Fans of 2007's live action take on Alvin and the Chipmunks can take heart. The Squeakquel is more of the same, and matches the quality of the first film in every way. It's no better or worse. Those who were not taken by the 2007 movie should heed this warning. The Squeakquel is more of the same, and matches the quality of the first film in every way. In other words, you already know what you think of this movie without seeing it. My reaction was certainly exactly the same. It's kind of sweet in a bland way, not very offensive, and not interesting in the slightest.

The helium voiced pop star trio of Alvin (voice by Justin Long), Simon (voice by Matthew Gray Gubler) and Theodore (voice by Jesse McCartney) are back, but this time, they are joined by three new rodents who want to follow in their footsteps (paw-steps?) and break into the music scene. They are the Chipettes, and their music act is best described as Destiny's Child, only smaller and furrier. This group is made up of three young chipmunk girls named Brittany (voice by Christina Applegate), Jeanette (voice by Anna Faris), and Eleanor (voice by Amy Poehler). Those are some pretty big names voicing the Chipettes, which surprised and confused me. Surprised, because I can't imagine what projects these women must have turned down so they could get the chance to do the voices of singing rodents. Confused, because I fail to see the point of casting celebrity talent as the Chipmunks or Chipettes, since their voices are sped up and distorted to the point that you have no idea who is playing them. None of their talent comes through in their performances, and they all sound the same when their voices have been sped up to "chipmunk level", so it defeats the whole purpose of casting name actors.

But, I digress. Back to the plot. The Chipettes arrive by mailing themselves in a Fed-Ex package, and have the misfortune of falling into the hands of sleazy former music producer, Ian (David Cross). Those who saw the first movie will remember that he was the villain who abused the Chipmunks, working them to exhaustion until they managed to escape and ruin his career. Now he's looking for revenge, and sees the naive Chipettes as his opportunity to disgrace the Chipmunks and get back to the top of the music business. Meanwhile, the original Chipmunks are sent off to school, as their father figure Dave (Jason Lee) has decided they need an education. Unfortunately, Dave is injured in a freak concert accident in the film's opening scene, so he's gone for most of the movie. (Apparently, Lee only agreed to return if he could shoot all of his scenes in one or two days.) With Dave out of the picture, the Chipmunks are put in the care of a family relative - the irresponsible and video game-obsessed Toby (Zachary Levi from TV's Chuck), who seems to be suffering from an extreme case of arrested development. At school, the Chipmunks fend off bullies, play football, and participate in a concert in order to save the school's music program.

Think about how disappointing this is. You have three talking and singing woodland creatures (six, if you count the Chipettes) going to a school filled with teenage humans. Imagine the possibilities you could dream up, or the trouble you could have the little creatures get into. You could have Alvin try out for the school musical. You could have Simon get a crush on a human girl, and have a very funny scene where he has to meet her parents. You could have Theodore struggling in class, and finding inspiration in a teacher. There's a lot of opportunity, and The Squeakquel ignores them all. I think they only set foot in an actual classroom for about two minutes. I was dying to see how the little Chipmunks would take notes in class, seeing as the pencil and paper would probably be two times bigger than they are. Instead of actual imagination or humor, we get some lame bullies, and an uninvolved subplot concerning peer pressure, where Alvin has to decide if he wants to be popular and hang out with the evil jocks, or stick with his brothers. You can do so much more with talking Chipmunks, I assure you.

Of course, the kids won't care. The packed theater I saw this movie in certainly didn't seem to mind the lack of inspiration, or the total absence of fresh humor. They "awwhed" on cue when adorable little Theodore snuggled up close to Toby. They burst into laughter when feisty little Alvin gave a wedgie to the bully who had just dunked Simon's head in a toilet. They even laughed when the movie threw in some dated and tired pop culture references to films like Taxi Driver, Apocalypse Now, and The Silence of the Lambs. I expect a lot of things from an Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. Seeing Alvin imitating Hannibal Lecter is not one of them. I watched the whole thing with general disinterest, but never really hated the film. The movie's far too bland to create any strong feelings, positive or negative. This is the kind of movie where everyone showed up to do their job, did their job, and went home, probably wondering at what point did their careers arrive at the level where they have to play second fiddle to animals that aren't even there on the set.
The movie does its job, too. It gets the kids out of the house, and entertains them with a lot of bright colors, cute CG animals, pop music, and fart jokes for 90 minutes. I guess that's all you can expect for a movie that calls itself a "Squeakquel". When the inevitable third movie comes, I hope the writers can actually think of something interesting for the Chipmunks and Chipettes to do. They're kind of cute in a way, but just like the movie itself, very boring.

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