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Friday, January 11, 2008

The Bucket List

Remember those old soft drink commercials that would show elderly people drinking the product and acting young by listening to rap music, doing the latest street dances, and talking about "catching waves"? If you hated those commercials as much as I did, you will hate The Bucket List, which is basically a 100 minute variation on the same idea. It features two great actors running around acting young, but it adds a couple disturbing twists. The first is that they are both terminally ill with only months to live. The second is that they don't seem to care about anything but themselves, not worrying about friends or loved ones who may be concerned about them. The Bucket List seems to want to be a movie that inspires us to follow our dreams. All it inspired within me was a lot of eye-rolling, and the overwhelming desire to slap some sense into the two lead characters.

The two men at the center of the story are played by a pair of great actors, namely Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. Unfortunately, these are not great characters that they are playing. They are merely playing rifts on the same roles they've occupied for the past 10 years or so. Freeman is once again the sagely type who gives advice to anyone who will listen, and also acts as the film's Narrator. It's a role he perfected in Million Dollar Baby, and this seems like nothing more than a mere rehash. Nicholson is once again the seemingly-grumpy "I don't give a damn" type, who is eventually revealed to have a heart of gold after spending time with a person who changes his life. It's a role he perfected in As Good as it Gets, and once again we are stuck with a rehash here. They both find out early on that they are dying of Cancer, and that they only have a few months to live. Freeman's character introduces an idea to the other about a "bucket list" - a list of things you want to achieve before you die. Nicholson's character just happens to be a devil-may-care millionaire who figures they should act upon this list, since they only have a short time left. The two men supposedly pack their bags (I say supposedly, as no luggage is ever used or seen), and go on a whirlwind around the world journey.

The Bucket List obviously wants to be a big, heartfelt movie that leaves us walking out of the theater with a tear in our eyes and a spring in our steps. The heart at the center of the movie, however, is completely artificial and calculated. Okay, I can sort of buy the fact that two men near the end of their lives could just suddenly up and leave at a moment's notice on a trip around the world. But, you'd think they would require medication and constant monitoring given their current states. Not only do these men not need any luggage to travel around the world, but they also don't need any medicine or professional medical evaluation the moment they leave the doctor's care. As soon as they decide to take their journey, they're skydiving out of a plane. Well, actually, a pair of stunt doubles are skydiving out of a plane. The movie uses special effects to paste the faces of the two actors onto the heads of the stunt doubles diving through the clouds in an effect that does not look the least bit convincing. Their globe-trotting adventure that leads them to such places as China, the Himalayas, and the Pyramids of Egypt is mostly accomplished through special effects. We're usually not watching these two actors visiting these places, we're watching them sitting in front of a blue screen while an image of their current location is projected behind them. I'd like to think that director Rob Reiner is making a statement on how phony and unrealistic the screenplay he's been stuck with is, but I'm afraid that's not the case here.

You'd think the movie would handle the most obvious question. What about the people these two guys leave behind? Wouldn't they be worried sick that these guys who are terminally ill and will be dead in a year or less are jumping out of planes and flying souped-up race cars off of ramps? The script by Justin Zackham dodges this issue by basically ignoring it. Nicholson's character is a grump who doesn't really have any friends, so he's covered. But Freeman's character has a concerned wife and family. We get a scene before they go on their adventure where his wife tries to talk him out of it, but the guy doesn't back down, basically saying he has to be his own man. Not once during his trip does he make any attempt to contact his wife, friends, or loved ones to let them know that he's doing okay or even if he's still alive. He does eventually return home to his family, but he doesn't get to share any real scenes with them. His entire family is treated like a prop, used only to sit at his bedside when he's not jaunting about with his friend. There is a subplot about Nicholson having a daughter that he doesn't talk to, but the movie is not interested, and merely tosses it out as a vague attempt to give his character something resembling humanity. In movies where someone is dying, there's always some unresolved family crisis. The script knows this, and includes it, but doesn't care. The inevitable reunion with his daughter is treated as a throw away scene that gives us what we expect, but no reason to care.

The Bucket List pushes all the emotional buttons, but it either pushes too hard, or it doesn't push hard enough. This gives the film a very sloppy and uneven tone. Each scene varies wildly from one to the next. Sometimes it resembles an overly cute sitcom about two guys fulfilling their dreams. Sometimes it resembles a made for TV movie of the week about a disease. What it never resembles is anything remotely similar to reality. The people are hollow shells that have been written to suit the actors' best known screen personas, but gives them nothing to work with. Nicholson and Freeman work their usual charm, but it can only take them so far until we realize there's nothing underneath Nicholson's usual devilish grin, and Freeman's grandfatherly smile. They're still a joy to watch as always, and the one thing that makes the whole thing bearable. Without them, this thing would have no reason to exist, and they seem to know it. At least they seem to be trying to keep this mess afloat. Everything else is uninspired, right down to the manipulative music score by the usually talented Marc Shaiman, who seems to be trying to force out emotion with every note.
It was a pretty sneaky move for Warner Bros. to give this movie a limited release late last year, then open wide in January. They were probably hoping this would prevent The Bucket List from being screened by most critics, and avoid bad word of mouth. Nice try, but no such luck here. Eagle-eyed readers will notice that there is a new addition to my "Dishonorable Mentions" at the bottom of my Worst of 2007 list. This is a shameless movie that wastes the wonderful talents of two great actors, and puts them through a dopey screenplay that's far beneath their talents. They deserved better, and so do their fans, who will no doubt flock to this movie expecting something great. Despite the best intentions of everyone involved, this movie falls far short of even being good.

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