The Wholly Unexpected 3rd Anniversary Column
doing this for three years?
surprised. Astounded even. That's not an observation on the comings
and goings of Web sites in general - there are others as old as, if
not older, than mine - but rather a rumination on myself. In my younger
days, I began project after project, only to leave them behind, unfinished,
as I got bored and went on to the next thing. Sometimes, late at night,
when I'm feeling especially self-critical, I look over my metaphysical
shoulder and see my traveled path strewn with the incomplete skeletons
of previous ventures.
exceptions, of course. Forever Evil for one, and ooh, what
a crowning achievement for a life that is. Both director Roger
Evans and myself have nightmares that our thumbnail obituaries will
read "writer/director of Forever Evil". True to form
with my earlier, Edward Scissorhands-like creations ("Not
finished!"), I have been promising the last chapter of Making
A Bad Movie for some time now, and rest assured, it will appear
sometime before the next century. (Damn, that used to buy me a lot
But a lot
can happen in three years, and I'm not just talking about the rapid
growth of both quality B-Movie review sites or the B-Masters
Cabal. I'm talking about an even larger part of my life, and that's
When I started
the BMR, I was childless and unemployed, and fortunately both were
remedied within a few months (Whereas I started this year once again
unemployed, I still have a son). Despite warnings that my entire schedule
was going to be thrown into a shredder, I didn't find this the case;
I had already withdrawn from the land of theater and I found my schedule
pretty much matched his. Holding his little pink form in a massive
sling, I found I could still type with only a little difficulty while
Mom slept in the master bedroom.
what? They get bigger. Funny how that happens, isn't it? Now he's
two and a half, hardly an infant; he doesn't like to be held anymore,
and needs far more than the occasional bottle of milk or a changed
diaper. He's no longer a baby, he's a little boy. He needs
attention. He needs guidance. Though he is enrolled in an excellent
toddler program at the same school where my wife teaches, I have a
duty, a responsibility, and yes, a need, to be there and be
helpful, loving and unwaveringly firm when necessary, when
he is at home. Which is the evenings and the weekends.
when I used to write my articles for the BMR.
I think you
realize that you are an honest-to-goodness father when you suddenly
understand that you have to be better than you actually are
- that you have be smarter, cleaner, and more responsible than ever,
because you're a role model. I'm still working on this. Some
men never get it right, and some never even try. It's my job to get
it right, and help him be the best person he can.
has to give.
Oh, it won't
be the BMR. It's going to be my schedule. As people have been braying
for years (most effectively in the Dilbert comic strip, he
said archly), I'm going to have to work smarter, not harder. For the
past few months, I have struggled mightily with my self-imposed deadline
of publishing every Sunday night, and frequently did not make it;
that was symptomatic of something, but I kept doggedly plugging
away. The first step to recovery was when I stopped posting a "Next
Update" target on the front page - I had done that from the very
beginning, to force myself to keep writing on a consistent basis.
proven to myself that I can do that. So here's how it works: I
don't know yet. Certain things have been set in stone over the
last three years, and it's going to take awhile to smash those icons,
clear away the rubble, and establish new practices. I will be updating
during the week, this is certain; at what point is currently uncertain.
This will probably take awhile to hash itself out, but it's my hope
that by doing so, I'll not only be able to continue writing the BMR,
but will actually be able to do so with a fair level of quality.
engage in my usual mean tricks, like taking major holidays off for
family time. But, given good health for myself, my family, and my
computer, I should still be entertaining - and possibly infuriating
you - for another year. See you here again in 365.