Who decided we needed "Friends: The Pubescent Years?" Because, really, we didn't.

These crazy kids are getting to know more adult freedoms through wacky adventures! Whee!

Zoe, Duncan, Jack, & Jane airs Sundays at 9 pm on the WB.

Zoe, Duncan, Jack, & Jane seems to me to be a "high concept" show. I can just see the pitch man sitting across the desk from a Touchstone Television executive, saying, "Imagine this: Friends meets Seinfeld, but for teenagers! Whaddya think?" I'll tell you what I think (since that's what Tuber's all about, anyway). I think Zoe, Duncan, Jack, & Jane is hopeless piffle. NBC has already proven that the era of the quirky New York clique has passed. They've even made it official policy. Yet, the WB seems to think this tired formula has some life left in it.

From reading some of the show's own publicity, you'd think Z,D,J, & J was a psychology thesis. For instance, "Set just at that flash point in teenage lives when they can take flight into the world and get to know more adult freedoms, Zoe, Duncan, Jack & Jane captures an adolescent's exaggerated hyper-view of existence." Okay. Then they follow it up with this: "Aboard the subway train of life, Zoe, Duncan, Jack & Jane takes off on a wacky, exhilarating ride to the fun and fantasy, freedom and fears of a lovable and memorable company of friends." Wacky? Don't they know that's basically a synonym for "embarrassingly stupid"?

The show, originally titled Zoe Bean, revolves around Zoe and her close circle of friends. Zoe is the emotional center, the only one with a parent who has a substantial role on the show. In other words, she's only one who seems to be parented, even if it's by an "I'm your best friend" type mother. Zoe lives in the same building as her friend Duncan, a guy she's known forever. Duncan is having a little trouble dealing with growing up. He refers to disposing of bodily waste as "going to France" and he expects everyone to leave the apartment while he's there. Zoe's best friend is Jane, a horribly insecure girl with a gift for deadpan. Jane's twin brother, Jack, thinks he's both a scam artist and a lady's man.

Zoe, Duncan, Jack, & Jane spend their free time in a coffee house. Hmmm... a bunch of friends, two of whom are siblings, a coffee house, the Village...

I'll say up front that Jane (played by Azura Skye) is the only thing remotely worth watching on the show. (Unless you're into cute girls. Then I suppose Selma Blair makes the cut.) Skye is the only actor on the show whose awfulness can be completely attributed to the script. The other actors, well, let's just say I question their abilities. The script can't be that bad.

One of the things that bothers me most about this show is the lack of chemistry among the stars. Zoe and Duncan have known each other for most of their lives. They met Jack & Jane in junior high. Currently in high school, the only two who seem to have any chemistry are Jack & Jane. Maybe it's because bickering is easier to pull off. Otherwise, they just strike me as a bunch of teenagers who were recently thrown together. (Actually, I guess that's a credit to their acting since none of them are teenagers.)

What else bothers me about the show? Well, it has a weird way of being predictable and not, but in the wrong places. For instance, Jack & Jane have to see a shrink who tells them they must get along or forfeit their mother's tenuous sanity. The twins attempt to behave themselves, but as soon as they find out their mother isn't in an institution after all (she's on a getaway with her lover), they ban together to tell the shrink off. Guess what kids? Jack & Jane are getting along! Here, Z, D, J, & J is completely predictable.

In the same episode, Zoe decides she wants to have sex "just to get it over with." Her mother, of course, tries to talk her out of it. Later on, Duncan also decides he wants to have sex, again, "just to get it over with." Duncan takes off to find Angela, a girl who has been throwing herself at Duncan for years. Zoe takes off after him to explain that he can't have sex because he's not ready emotionally. You would think she would get the connection between her conversation with Duncan and her earlier battles with her mom. After all, this is a girl who's supposed to be "hyper-conscious of herself and her surroundings." Does she make the connection? No! She shows absolutely no sign of "hyper-consciousness," despite reiterating her mother's arguments word for word. She simply talks Duncan out of it and makes no application to herself whatsoever. Here is where the show is bizarrely unpredictable. It sets up a lesson and doesn't really follow through. I'm assuming Zoe gets the connection, but when you have to assume in a sitcom that a character gets something, it speaks to the sloppiness of the writing.

Zoe, Duncan, Jack, & Jane, I think, isn't long for this world. Despite the advance hype (they were talking about this one before the fall season even started), the WB has delivered a bomb. It's sad really. Last year, the network debuted Dawson's Creek mid-season and had an instant hit, with good reason. This year, all they have is piffle.

Date: February 4, 1999

Copyright © 1999 by Lisa McInnis