I'm bored as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore. Ross and Rachel have officially cost this show a fan. Only Chandler can save them now.

It's the same old song and dance with these two. Except this time, I want nothing to do with it.

"Friends" airs Thursdays at 8 pm on NBC (duh).

How is "Friends" annoying? Let me count the ways. Well, actually there are just two: Ross and Rachel. All by themselves, these two gluttons for angst represent about 75% of my unwillingness to subject myself to this show any longer (the other 25% owing to any good book I happen to be reading at the time). In the first season finale, back when we still cared about Ross and Rachel (if you can remember that far back), Ross went to Japan and Chandler let it slip, in a way, that Ross was madly in love with Rachel. Rachel, in a blinding moment of clarity (well, it was blinding for her, anyway), realized she loved Ross right back. As the second season opened, Rachel was waiting for Ross to disembark at the airport, he stepped off the plane with another woman, and suddenly we at home realized we'd been set up. Just when we thought the agony was over, my friends, it was just beginning.

Flash forward to this season. The Ross and Rachel thing had come and gone (sort of) with the lovey-dovey period, the jealousy period, the break-up period, and the inevitable "you slept with another woman?" period. In the season finale last May, Ross was at the altar with Emily, a woman vastly superior to Rachel in every way that I could perceive, when, oops! he made the glaring mistake of saying "I take thee, Rachel." It was the flub heard round the world and I'm sure there must have been somebody, somewhere, (almost assuredly under the age of 16) who didn't groan and have all sorts of painful "Friends" flashbacks and premonitions at that moment. This season started off with the unlikely premise that Emily actually finished the ceremony then ran off during the reception. Huh? I honestly think, in that particular situation, the bride could have stood at the altar and asked for the groom's head and the entire congregation would have fallen all over itself to comply. (The fact that the groom is Ross just makes this idea even sweeter.)

So instead of Ross just dating another woman and Rachel realizing she loves him, he is now married to another woman, whom he must woo back, and Rachel realizes she loves him. Ooh! Are the youngsters up to the challenge of fighting for their precious love? Apparently not. Unlike the first go-round, the revelation that Rachel wants him doesn't make Ross all confused and dopey. He's still willing to fight for his marriage. Why? Because he doesn't want to have two divorces under his belt before the age of thirty. Hmmm. What happened to "Because she's the only one for me?" Eventually Emily agrees to move to New York to work things out, but only if Ross agrees to end his friendship with Rachel. Of course, he agrees because otherwise, the tension would dissipate and obviously the writers need the Ross-Rachel crutch because, aside from the Monica-Chandler relationship (which is the only thing keeping this boat afloat), they've become extremely wall-eyed story-arc-wise.

Would the real reason we still watch this show please step forward? (And wrest control from whoever put Ross and Rachel at the epicenter.)

There are two things we know about the future of "Friends": a) Helen Baxendale (Emily) has turned down the opportunity to become a cast member, opting instead to do quality work in her native England; and b) there's a "Friends" movie in the works which sources say is going to focus on Ross and Rachel. As for a), although it would have been nice to get a permanent obstacle between Ross and Rachel, I can't fault Helen Baxendale for jumping ship. As for b), well, frankly I'm just scared. They say Jennifer Aniston is holding out for more money. Let's hope it gets her fired and Ross can become a somewhat interesting character again in her absence. These two have gone from sucking the interest out of their respective characters to sucking the interest out of the whole show. Even the promise of Chandler finding a certain biting happiness with Monica (I've always had a soft spot for Chandler, if not for Monica) is succumbing to the overall dread I feel every time Ross or Rachel are on screen.

You'll notice I have yet to mention either Phoebe or Joey. Why is that? Because apparently a show whose premise is to explore the relationships among six friends is content to let two of them completely atrophy when not in a serious relationship that can be milked for all it's worth. Why is it that, among six major characters, they're using three of the least interesting (or most irritating) around which to build the entire show? They're so consumed with Ross and Rachel (and slightly less so with Monica and Chandler, which I'll forgive, because, hey, it's Chandler) that I feel like I've barely seen Phoebe or Joey all season, except as catalysts or props for the other characters' storylines. (Okay, Phoebe gave birth to triplets, I'll give you that one.) Suddenly, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Monica are being treated like real people and Phoebe and Joey are their clowns. "Friends" has gotten so off-base it's just not the same show anymore. And yet, they still manage to rework the same old story. There are a lot of fans that feel Ross and Rachel hold the show together. They'd be wiser to realize these two sad sacks are going to be the downfall of "Friends" empire.

Date: October 23, 1998

Copyright © 1998 by Lisa McInnis