After eight seasons, "Beverly Hills, 90210" is set to call it quits. So, hurry up already and end the misery!

Long ago, "90210" was a show about these wholesome, likeable kids. Clockwise from top: The one who got pregnant out of wedlock, the one who slept with his professor's wife, the expatriate, the one who married a mobster's daughter in a misplaced attempt at revenge, the one who didn't wait for marriage after all, the one currently being investigated for statutory rape, the one who had the nasty coke habit, and the one who filmed a porno at the Walsh house.

"Beverly Hills, 90210" airs Wednesdays at 8 pm on FOX.

So this is, by all accounts, the last season of "Beverly Hills, 90210." It's been a long ride. We've seen the gang battle addictions, virginity, mobsters, and Shannen Doherty. We've seen characters come and go, from Mom and Dad Walsh (Carol Potter and James Eckhouse) to Dylan (Luke Perry) to Brandon (Jason Priestley). Last night's episode marked both the departure of resident patricidal vixen Valerie Malone (Tiffani-Amber Thiessen) and the return of Dylan McKay, he of the deeply-lined forehead. It's been a long ride and for the past few seasons, it's been a painful ride. But after watching last night's episode, I think I've figured out what the problem is.

Lately we've been inundated with nostalgia for the bygone days of the late 70s and early 80s. These were the heyday of "90210" producer Aaron Spelling, the man who gave us "The Love Boat," "Starsky and Hutch," "Charlie's Angels," and "Dynasty," just to name a very few. So, after last night's episode, it hit me: "90210" doesn't know where it fits in anymore. It's an Aaron Spelling production that's lost it's way. Imagine "7th Heaven" (another Spelling show) having the parents move to Hong Kong and Matt turning the family home into a House of Carnal Pleasures. Sure, if it happened overnight, it would be pretty shocking. But this is exactly what "90210" has accomplished over the past two years. They conveniently got Jim and Cindy Walsh out of the way and turned their home into a mini-"Melrose Place." And yet, despite this change in the basic nature of the show, they continue to try and slip moral messages in amongst the sex and cat fights. Whereas it used to be "This week, the gang learns about racism" it's now "This week, Kelly learns the dangers of coke addiction and leaving Valerie alone with her man."

In the beginning, "90210" was a flashy, fairly wholesome show about the growing pains of a couple of teenage Minnesota transplants named Brandon and Brenda Walsh. Then Brenda lost her virginity and it all went downhill from there. Over the past seven seasons we have witnessed the increasing degeneration of what used to be a pretty good show. It was never great. But it had its moments. Last season, when Donna (Tori Spelling), lost her virginity after 6 years of "I'm waiting for marriage," I thought, "Surely, this is the end." But, no. There was one more shocking symptom of the show's sheer awfulness waiting to burst full blown from the head of Spelling in this, its eighth season: Tube tops.

The tube top, it seems to me, is the one unignorable indication that "90210" is suffering some sort of Spelling identity crisis. It no longer knows if it's "7th Heaven" or "Charlie's Angels." The problem is, it's trying to be both. In the same episode we were treated to both the dire consequences of driving under the influence (you could kill a 16 year old on a bike) and the glittery glam sight of Tori Spelling and Vanessa Marcil, who debuted last night as Donna's cousin Gina, both sporting tube tops. This is nothing short of a pathetic reminder of other, better Spelling shows. Who can't see a tube top and think, "Ahh, where are Charlie's Angels now?" The Angels could wear wrap dresses and still rescue a young Kim Basinger from a life of prostitution. And the reason they got away with it was simply because there wasn't all of this extraneous backbiting among them. "90210" tries to pack way too much into its formula. Morality, sex, and scheming rarely work well together. One or two out of the three will give you a decent show. Put all three in one place and you get nothing but muddled garbage.

So, we can all be thankful that "90210" is finally leaving the air. What we cannot be thankful for, in any way, shape or form, is the fact that they're already working on "Beverly Hills, 90210: The Next Class." What is this? The Tiffani-Amber Thiessen Curse? Just when we thought the death throes were over, they've decided to resurrect the beast and do "90210: Retread." I don't know where they'll film it, though. "Buffy" currently films at the school that served as "West Beverly High" for those first few seasons. And as far as storylines go, over the past 7 years, "90210" has covered so much of the gamut, very little will be left for the newcomers in the way of fresh material. But, until then, let us lighten our load with "The end is near" and hope Mr. Spelling rethinks the idea of a sequel series.

Date: November 19, 1998

Copyright © 1998 by Lisa McInnis