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Okay, I will. |
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Every so often, a show comes on that I really want to like, but just can't. Comedy Central's latest game show, "Beat the Geeks," is a prime example. The show is not creative, not entertaining, not well designed, and not going to last very long.
The premise is simple. Three geeks (straight out of central casting) and one guest nerd form a panel. They each have an area of expertise: movies, music, television, and whatever the guest nerd thinks he/she knows. Two contestants engage in a trivia contest with the geeks, fighting over some medals the stars wear around their necks. The grand prize is some $5,000. There is also the obligatory host, and the obligatory pretty girl who serves no real purpose.
Let's begin by looking at the geeks, since they're the show's main draw.
The music geek is Andy Zax, the one with the frizzy long hair. He's the snob: you probably met him in college. The guy who ONLY listens to records, has outlandish opinions about Joan Baez, claims he was into REM before anyone else, makes eminently safe choices on his Best Music Of All Time list (Beatles, Stones, Dylan, Bowie) and still thinks he can act more elitist about music than you. Given the choice between this guy and John Cusack's character in High Fidelity ... the geek loses.
The TV geek is Paul Goebel, the morbidly obese one. He's the really sad guy: as a part-time stand-up comedian, he attempts to cover for his pathetic life with humor, but always there's an element of tragedy that seeps through. Tragedy that a man has made a living out of watching TV. What's especially tragic is how easily this geek is stumped.
Finally we meet the movie geek, Mark Heuck, the one with the curly long hair. He's the obnoxious one: he spits a lot, and keeps trying to put people down even though he's been ripe for a beating since the first day of grade school. He's has the annoying tendency to take five minutes to answer a question, adding in all sorts of unnecessary information just to show off how smart he is. The only time it's funny is when he does all that and gets the answer wrong. I have especial contempt for this so-called geek because I'm positive that in a head-to-head showdown with Dr. Freex, he'd curl up and die.
Then there's Tiffany. Ah, poor Tiffany. Her duties include taking the medals from around the geek's necks and walking them across the stage to the contestants; announcing a line or two before the final showdown; and kissing the men on the cheek when they get one right. In other words, she's just a walking pair of breasts. Normally, I don't object to walking pairs of breasts, but on this show -- unlike on The Man Show -- the function is pure exploitation, a ploy to keep viewers interested in something, anything, whilst three Trogs do "battle" with bland everymen.
Like the other new Comedy Central game show, Let's Bowl, the biggest problem here is tone. Unlike Let's Bowl -- which is at least funny from time to time -- Beat The Geeks has no humor potential. Jokes have been shoehorned in: the geeks attempt to put down contestants whenever they're challenged (and always fail miserably). Are we supposed to mock these geeks? Revere them? Root for them? Against them? I think the show is trying to create a Spinal Tap atmosphere, invite us to both fall in love with and laugh at the geeks, but all I get from the average episode is a nap. The show simply does not entertain, even when it goes for cheap stunts (such as Tiffany, or a recent guest appearance by Jerry Springer) to drum up interest. The game play is completely without strategy, or even interest, since the contestants get super-simple "no duh" questions and the geeks get impossible ones. This attempt to level the playing field only cheapens the "accomplishment" of the contestants when they dethrone a geek. Much more interesting would have been an "Iron Chef" type format, in which the geeks competed against each other with the special guest geek acting as a new persona from show to show. Instead, we get a hollow boring game show that thinks it appeals to an intelligent audience (Win Ben Stein's Money is essentially the same thing, only funny and exciting).
In short, you want me to beat the geeks? Fine ... 3 p.m. in the schoolyard. Be there.
OTHER STUFF
Let's Bawl: Speaking of Let's Bowl, I received an e-mail from the show's creator. Here it is in full:
This is to Chris J. Magyar. I just ran across your article on-line. You have your facts wrong about MY television show Let's Bowl. I am the creator, it was my brianchild. Not my Co-Executive Producer Richard Kronfeld. I also was with Mystery Science Theater 3000 for 4 seasons. If you're going to write a bad review at least have your facts correct.
May your ball roll true,
My apologies. Of course, if your website had contained any actual information, I probably would have had a chance at getting my facts straight.
And I didn't think it was that bad of a review. He probably just didn't have time to read my Martin Short Show review to give him perspective. While I'm flattered that my lowly opinions have reached ears on Mount Olympus, I do have to wonder why he sent this e-mail at 3:30 on Christmas Day. Come on Mr. Scott, surely you had better things to be doing? Right? Of course, it really is every TV critic's dream to completely ruin some TV producer's Christmas, so I suppose I should be happy.
Alert Readers of America: Thanks to everyone who sent in a note about SeaLab2020, the show that Adult Swim's SeaLab2021 parodies. All I can say is that the show must have been so bad it never ran in syndication, and I'm too young a pup to have caught it in its heyday.
That 2000's Show: The reason That '70s Show became a hit was because it didn't just sit there and parody the decade. It represented the creator's honest experiences of growing up in Wisconsin in the '70s. Sure the outfits and decors are period perfect, but the characters have a soul and are grounded in reality. What troubles me about the previews for That '80s Show is that it looks like just another "Breakfast Club" mocking of the decade. The '80s were just as valid a decade to grow up in as the '70s, and I hope the show abandons crass attempts at period humor and goes instead for the brand of coming-of-age-within-an-age writing that makes That '70s Show great.
The Tick Is Dead, Long Live The Tick: This is what happens when he's not allowed to utter "Spoon!" The Tick has been canceled. I'm not sad about the show -- it deserved the axe -- but I am saddened that this seriously hampers any chance of the animated show returning. Thanks for ruining our hopes with your dumb sex jokes, Mr. Sonnenfeld. The Seinfeld curse lives on. If You Love Me And You Know It...: Just in case someone out there can't get enough of my half-baked opinions (let's hope not), I've started a blog. Naturally, the topic will touch upon television occasionally. The interested can peek here. And that's the last self-promotion I'll do here, promise. No, really. Why are you looking at me like that? --Chris J. Magyar Date: 1/12/02 Copyright © 2002 by Chris J. Magyar |
