Here’s a movie that looks great on paper, but doesn’t really work at all. Jean Reno as a cop who specializes in investigating cult crimes? Christopher Lee as the bad guy? Kill-proof parkour-rocking monks killing the 12 Apostles? An evil cult hiding a secret in the Maginot Line? Sign me up!

Sadly, the movie is done in by a particularly dumb script from Luc Besson. Niemans (Reno) is investigating an odd monastery where a dead body was found embedded inside a recently renovated room. It soon develops the man’s death was part of an ongoing series of murders, with all the victims sharing names and occupations with the 12 Apostles. Meanwhile another cop, Reda (Benoit Magimel), happens to find an injured guy who looks just like Jesus. Jesus is attacked in the hospital by a faceless, robed super-monk, who fails to kill Jesus but escapes. Neimans and Reda team up to chase down what few clues they have. It leads back to the monastery, a hidden temple attached to the Maginot Line, and a secret society lead by a German businessman (Christopher Lee, delivering his lines in what sounds to me like fluent French).

Quite frankly you could torture me and I couldn’t tell you what the German business man was trying to achieve and why, or why the secret society was killing the “Apostles” in such a public way (I understood the reason, but hiding the murders would have made more sense), or what any of this had to do with the Maginot Line. After a couple of mildly cool action sequences, including one where we see how neat tracer bullets could look indoors, Crimson Rivers II devolves into an Indiana Jones rip-off, complete with a booby trapped temple and the realization that if the good guys had stayed home drinking wine the bad guys still would have died.