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It just came to my attention that the Eurovision Song Contest finishes up tomorrow. I thought I’d take a look at some of the songs that were in this year’s competition. This isn’t every song, just the ones that I found noteworthy (read, funny).

First up, Armenia, with a song that informs us that the country is littered with apricots. “I see the northern stars shining brightly in the storm”? Does she see in radio waves or something? Also, if you’re trying to grow trees by seeding frozen ground, you’re doing it wrong.

The next two videos, from Iceland and Ireland respectively, perhaps reflect the influence of Susan Boyle on western Europe. They both feature surprisingly unglamorous women singing soulful songs. One could argue that the song from Iceland also reveals that the corruption to humanity’s collective soul that was ABBA is also still going strong.

This next song has the following three phrases associated with it: “Gjoko Taneski,” “FYR Macedonia,” and “Jas Ja Imam Silata.” Your guess is as good as mine as to which is the country, which is the artist, and which is the title. The video for this song appears to have been shot in Tyra Banks’ subconscious, with guest appearances by the less attractive European cousins of Billy Joel and Justin Timberlake. Oh, and when did Keanu Reeves switch from bass to lead guitar?

I’m card-carrying, Doctor Who-watching, comic book-reading, vinyl-figure collecting, all-around nerd of the highest order, but even I want to give the first male singer in the following clip a wedgie.

Aquaman’s homeland of Finland decided to try the oldest trick in the book: A woman playing polka on an accordion while wearing an evening dress. C’mon Finland, try a little originality.

Latvia’s video is a heart-wrenching portrayal of the existential horror that comes with being stunningly beautiful. Sure, she’s gorgeous, but she doesn’t know why people live until they die! And she has to call God by his more formal title of “Mr. God.” (I guess God never finished his stint at medical school.)

Is there a male equivalent to Edie Brickell? In Belgium there is.

Fun fact: “Lako je sve” is Croatioan for “One for the Foot Fetishists.” The video is a pretty boring. Leeching all the color out and and using red spot color? That’s so trite.

Estonia decided to go the “Good Old Fashioned Nightmare Fuel” route with their video.

Some people are theorizing that the performer in Switzerland’s video may just be gay, what with the muscle shirts, the metallic jackets, leather pants, Flock of Seagulls haircut, and, oh yeah, they shot him with a rainbow filter. But I’m more concerned with the golden shower 51 seconds in.

Is “Eastern European Funk” an oxymoron? You’re one kazoo solo from the answer to that question.

“Attention America. This is Sun Stroke Project. We’ve traveled here from the 1980s and we’re holding Pink hostage in Moldova. We demand more LEDs and more seasons of Miami Vice on DVD so we can get more fashion tips.”