Crank



I am so behind on movies. Somehow, after a summer of almost nothing, like 10 movies opened in the last three weeks that I want to see, and on the three weeks I'd be least likely to go see them. Better go see the oldest ones first...


I'm actually at a loss to figure out which Dick Cheney joke I should use.

Crank is not the Walter Matthau biopic I've been waiting for, but essentially Grand Theft Auto: The Movie. The flick makes no attempt to hide its aspirations to be Grand Theft Auto: The Movie, with video game-themed titles and only the barest attempt to make the main character less than completely reprehensible.

That main character is Chevy, as played by Jason Statham. Chevy is a hitman who has been poisoned with the "Beijing Cocktail," a drug that will kill him unless he keeps his adrenaline going. Chevy therefore goes around starting fights and stealing cars while trying to either kill the gang that poisoned him or find an antidote.


"I wonder if the fat guy would let me borrow that jacket?"

The movie has a completely over-the-top style, with more edits than even Michael Bay or Uwe Boll would think are sensible and many tasteless scenes. Still, I can't say I didn't enjoy it. I laughed at quite a bit of the dialogue, and there were some nice touches. I liked how they did the scene where Chevy drives his car into a mall completely matter-of-factly, with the transition to indoors only happening out of focus in the background as Chevy talks on a cell phone. I liked the negotiation scene with Chevy and gangster than happens with both men completely clothed in a pool. I liked how Google Earth was used for the scene transitions. I especially liked the scene where Chevy tries to run off an accidental adrenaline overdose he gives himself. And can anyone do a better job of walking purposefully than Jason Statham? He sometimes carries himself in a bizarre way that only makes sense if you remember he used to be a diver on the British National Team and that's how divers approach the end of the board.

Towards the end Crank bites off more than it can chew, with a very fake looking helicopter fight above Los Angeles and an attempt to be poetic that is not going to fool anyone who has watched more that five minutes of the rampant gunfire, dismemberment, drug use, exploitation of women, carjacking, public sex scenes, head wounds, vehicular crashes, or poor hygene that have come before.

Posted: Tue - September 19, 2006 at      

©