Mindhunters



Hey, howabout that! I'm reviewing a theatrical movie before it comes out!

I only win on a technicality because Mindhunters has been sitting on the studio shelf for two years and has already played in other parts of the world, making it far more available that most movies opening in theaters next week. But I'll take what I can get. I'm not proud.


Who in this picture will still have a career when the movie is over?

The set-up of Mindhunters: The FBI has a advanced program for training serial killer profilers, led by Harris (Val Kilmer, still trying to kill his career dead). Apparently the only people who can get into this program are huge bundles of neuroses. There's a guy in a wheelchair who always keeps a gun on him, another guy who lost both his parents when he was ten, a woman whose sister was drowned by a sociopath and can't go in the water, another woman who's on edge because she quit smoking, and Christian Slater. These unstable soon-to-be FBI agents (and a cop played by LL Cool J) are dropped on an island with a mock-up town and mannequin people as an exercise in investigating the scene of a murder. How that would work I have no idea because talking to people is the major part of criminal investigation, and there's no one on the island for the recruits to talk to.

The premise of Mindhunters: Once isolated the recruits find the mock murder scene, but it is booby-trapped -- fatally. The killer leaves watches where the recruits will find them, set to specific times. At the indicated time another booby trap goes off killing someone. Because they are only people on the island the recruits soon turn on each other.


The plausibility factor of the movie.

The action of Mindhunters: Mostly it's the recruits, an unlikable group of actors with exception of Mr. Cool J, bickering and accusing each other of stuff. After about three murders they suddenly realize they're supposed to be FBI agents and actually start investigating stuff. Some scenes are constructed well but he overall lack of logic undoes any momentum the movie might build. This is the kind of a movie where characters talk about the importance of staying together, then immediately all go off in different directions. The final fight is a ridiculous shootout underwater.

The villain of Minhunters: The villain is Superman. I mean, he turns out to be one of the recruits (it doesn't matter which one, there are no meaningful clues to his identity before it's revealed), but he must be Superman because to set up these complicated traps so quickly and without being detected he must have X-ray vision, super-hearing, and super-speed. Being able to see the future would help too, because some of his timed booby traps are based on the premise that the recruits will come upon just the right building at just the right time.


"Does this have a setting for detecting career suicide?"

The aftermath of Mindhunters: The fact that the was made two years ago but only being released now obscures the career slide Christian slater is on, because this almost looks like a step up from Alone in the Dark (2005). He's only in a small part of the film, as is Val Kilmer. Perhaps the biggest victim of Mindhunters will be Renny Harlin, who seems dead set on proving that Deep Blue Sea (1999) was a fluke.

Posted: Sun - May 8, 2005 at      

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