Gigli and Some Random Observations (How Bad Can They Be? Part II)



Gigli (2003) is the current gold standard for bad movies. There was a veritable feeding frenzy when the movie came out, with nearly every critic trying to out do every other critic in bad movie hyperbole. For example:

"Hopelessly misconceived exercise in celebrity self-worship." - New York Times

"The most thoroughly joyless and inept film of the year, and one of the worst of the decade." - San Francisco Chronicle

"[O]ne of the worst movies I've ever seen." - Richard Roeper, Ebert and Roeper

To Mister Roeper I say, "Give me 24 hours and a DVD player and I'll rock your world." Now that I've seen Gigli, I can state with with confidence that's it's far from the worst movie I've seen. It's even far from the worst movie I saw last year, which was Dreamcatcher (2003).

Don't get me wrong, Gigli is a bad film. But as bad as 'Manos' the Hands of Fate (1966)? As bad as Attack of the the Eye Creatures (1965)? As bad as the combined filmographies of Coleman Francis, Charles B. Pierce, Albert Pyun and Bruno Mattei? Not by a long shot.

Gigli is more of a bad idea than a bad movie. It seems like writer/director Martin Brest wanted to combine the talkative hit men from Pulp Fiction (1994) with the plot of Chasing Amy (1997), but he didn't have the writing talent to pull it off. Beyond that, the acting isn't bad, and it's made well. The Ben Affleck/Jennifer Lopez pairing got this movie called a "vanity project" by a lot of critics who apparently didn't know that those two weren't a couple when the movie was cast. And it's not like they were the only two good actors who got roped into this movie. Christopher Walken and Al Pacino each show up for a scene. Affleck is mildly miscast as a dumb, callous guy, but he still doesn't give a bad performance.

Affleck plays Gigli, an enforcer for a small-time gangster. He's charged with taking the mentally disabled brother of a federal judge hostage, but his boss doesn't trust him to do the job himself so he sends a female enforcer, Ricki (Lopez), to keep an eye on him. Of course he's attracted to her, but she's a lesbian, so instead of having sex they talk about sex for endless stretches.

The problem with Gigli is that Martin Brest's dialogue is not entertaining for a moment, nor is it heartfelt. None of the conversations that Gigli and Ricki have about sexual politics made me laugh, nor can I imagine anybody seeing this film and thinking "That's exactly how I feel!" In outline I can see how someone might have thought this would work, but Martin Brest is no Quentin Tarantino or Kevin Smith when it comes to writing this material. As soon as Brest turned in his script this movie should have been stopped.

Perhaps the most lasting legacy Gigli has had is that gossip columnists seem to have decided that the relationship between Gigli and Ricki is somehow indicative of the relationship Affleck and Lopez had in real life. I think one of the requirements to becoming a gossip columnist is that you have to have missed that stage of development where you learn that movies aren't real life.

And now for some random thoughts.

The current #1 movie in the IMDb bottom #100 is You Got Served (2004). I have no idea how that happened. The movie sounds unoriginal and silly, but no worse than the dance craze movies of the past, like Lambada (1990) or Breakin' 2: Electric Bugaloo (1984).

Who is the most cursed actor of recent years? Brandon Henschel. Never heard of him? Not surprising, he's a back-up dancer for Britney Spears. But he's managed to nab bits parts in Crossroads (2002), From Justin to Kelly (2003), and Gigli.

Posted: Sat - February 21, 2004 at      

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