Scott's Random Thought for the Day (Jolly Happy Soul)



Today the Institute For Giving Parents Things To Be Hysterical About (IFGPTHA) sent out press releases letting parents know about a new threat to our children: t-shirts depicting snowmen. No, really. I have a picture and everything.



How is this sinister? Well in case you haven't guessed just by looking at it, "snow" is slang for cocaine, so the snowman depicted above is obviously a "visual code" for someone who deals cocaine. Sure, I would have guessed that someone wearing a shirt like that was on the crew of Jack Frost, but that's why I'm not a highly paid TV journalist.

As a service to parents everywhere I will now reveal some more "visual codes" kids use today when talking about drugs. As one supremely aware of the rhythm of the streets you should take all my assertions as absolute fact and tell any TV journalist you may happen to see all about them. Make it sound like you have first hand experience with them. That will make the TV journalist's job easier.

First up:



This girl is advertising that she deals heroin. And yes, Reverend Falwell, she's gay too.

Remember how popular Spider-Man 2 was last year? If there's one thing kids today love, it's Silver Age comics.



Here is the very famous panel that introduced Mary Jane Watson to comic book. That's why kids use the slang words "tiger"and "jackpot" to indicate that they deal marijuana. If you hear anyone under the age of 25 use either of these words you should immediately call the police and report the young person as drug dealer. This is true even if you happen to be at the zoo or living in a state that has a lottery. Zero tolerance is always the best policy.

Here's an easy one.



This is a scene from the new Harry Potter movie. As you can tell, Harry is chasing a dragon, and "chasing the dragon" is slang for inhaling opium or cocaine fumes. If you see any child who is into Harry Potter, you can safely assume they are already a irredeemable drug addict and they deserve to be behind bars.

Congratulations! You've done your civic duty. Go home, relax, drink a few glasses wine, put on some music. Maybe something from Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band?

Posted: Fri - November 4, 2005 at      

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