B-Fest 2005 Part 2



Four hours down! Only 20 more to go!



The Swarm (1978) is a collection of disaster movie highlights. Michael Caine plays an entomologist who happens upon a military base wiped out by killer bees. When the army shows up they are suspicious of Caine, but eventually they’re forced to work with him. Meanwhile the killer bees flit around southern Texas, killing the occasional schoolyard full of children or causing a train to derail.

Caine calls in the rest of the League of Slumming Actors, including Richard Chamberlain and Henry Fonda. Fonda plays a specialist in toxins, and later in the film he tries an anti-venom on himself and dies. It's called death with dignity so long as he gets out of the movie early.

Caine also enlists the help of another scientist played by Katherine Ross. When Caine first sees her the look on his face clearly says "I will bed you before this over." You just know no woman can resist that.

Perhaps the most reassuring part of the film is when the bees attack a nuclear power plant. About 20 seconds after the first guy starts flailing his arms around the whole plant goes up in a radioactive fireball. Nuclear power: Safe, clean, and bee-proof for nearly half a minute.

As all of this has gone on the army has decided to burn down Houston. Later the bees show up there, so it all works out okay in the end.



After fleeing the auditorium to avoid the paper plate barrage which goes along with Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959) I returned for Black Caesar (1973), a semi-classic blaxploitation movie directed by Larry Cohen and starring Fred Williamson. Williamson is Tommy, a young man who passionately wants to be a crime boss. He carries out an open contract against a mobster, then cuts off the dead man’s ear. Later Tommy approaches the mob boss who put out the contract as he eats in an Italian restaurant and drops the ear in the boss’s pasta. The Italian mobsters are so impressed by Tommy's disregard for restaurant etiquette that they give him a small territory in Harlem.

What goes up must come down in crime movie, so after Tommy gets too big the mobsters move against him. Tommy's cadre of bodyguards are "the best money can buy," but the mobsters hire some guy who comes up with the brilliant idea of shooting the bodyguards. This assassin does that, hen blasts Tommy in the gut. Tommy then spends what must be hours wandering around the city bleeding profusely and tying up all the loose ends. The movie is pretty good, though Tommy's night of leaking life fluids does stretch credulity a bit too far.

Coming in Part 3 - I sleep a lot. Shotgun weddings -- OF THE FUTURE! Hulk Hogan pretends to be an actor! To sleep... like the hu-man! Why I hate Troma, and more!

Posted: Fri - February 4, 2005 at      

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