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January 5, 2000
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Normally I despise online diaries; they're full of complaints from losers without lives. Who cares that your car broke down again, or what your mother gave you for Christmas? And why must you put it online for all to see? In fact, up to this point, the only online diary to which I gave an upturned paw (I am woefully short on thumbs, you understand) was one that belongs to a dog. Now I can actually recommend one belonging to one of your two-legged kind: Bobofett.com.

Bobofett belongs to Dana, the self-described "senior piss girl" at a large Evil Educational Monolith. Each day's entry is filled with the proper amount of venom directed at her coworkers (the worst being the delightfully initialled BS) or family, mixed with a description of the weird thing that happened today. And there's always something, like the unsanitary hair on the blood test needle, or the Grampa who ruined Christmas. We all know someone to whom these things happen, but how often do you get such hilarious perspective on the events in question? And then there's her obsession with getting that particular band to play at her birthday party a year from now. The best part is that underneath the crafty and wicked prose, one gets the sense that Dana is actually quite pleased with her life. Why am I so obsessed with what happens next?

This week is Macworld Expo week in San Francisco, and Steve Jobs has announced some pretty amazing stuff, including the new OS X (pronounced "ten," not "ex") and the new Apple website with its cool new iTools. Ever since Apple's "death" and subsequent resurrection with the return of Steve Jobs, every Expo has featured incredible new product announcements. Read the summary of the keynote speech at Macintouch for the full story.

Today's final entry is another movie review site -- I love these snarky video watchers so much I have to feature them often. Dante's Inferno and All-Night Video Store makes b-movie lovers proud with its lengthy reviews of appropriately sulfurous cinema. Dante's opinion of Albert Pyun? "If you ever see a movie by this man in the video store, rent it then burn it without viewing. He sucks." Eloquent prose if ever I read it.

Cat movie of the month

Star Trek: Generations. Because he has precious little screen time, you may not realize that the real star of Star Trek:Generations is Spot, the cat who owns the android named Data. All of Data's emotional problems can be linked back to the fact that he worships his cat but is pulled away by his Starfleet duties, and all of the machinations that go on in the film are really just the attempts by all the people to prove their superiority over one another, that they might win Spot's affections. How else to explain Data's tearful reunion with his beloved Spot, not unlike Holly Golightly's tearful reunion with her beloved Cat at the end of Breakfast at Tiffany's? I'm telling you, we rule the world, and some day, the universe.

Don't forget to check out the archives for older editions of Clickerama.

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