Director: Sam Raimi
USA - 1995
When you think of a "classic" genre, a basic genre of film, you dont
have all that many choices. Youve got your Crime Film, of which the Noir Film is
usually a subset; youve got your Mystery, which can be a Crime Film, but
doesnt have to be; youve got your Romance, your War Film, your
Action/Adventure (which includes Sci-Fi and Fantasy), your Horror, and your Comedy. Of
course, one of the most endearing genres, and one most resistant to major restructuring,
is the Western.
Westerns are uniquely set in relatively untamed, dangerous frontier. You can place it
in different environments, but itll always be a Western in a different place.
Witness Outland, which was a Western (specifically High Noon) in space. Or Steel
Dawn, which was a post-apocalyptic Western (ripping off
I mean, based on Shane).
Or Last Man Standing, which was a Depression-era Western, a remake of the Western Fist Full of Dollars, which, in turn, was a remake
of the Kurasawa samurai movie, Yojimbo. Actually, the differences between a good
samurai film and a western are largely those of costuming, setting, and dialogue; both
tend to deal in concepts of honor, duty, and skill with weaponry. Just because a man can
kill, does that make him a better man? What price do you set on friendship and honor, even
if youre an outlaw? Is Ernest Borgnine a particularly believable bank robber in The
Wild Bunch? Eternal questions, all, and particularly relevant to todays
Westerns remain Westerns, and the standards of the genre are hard to change. From the
Prostitute with a Heart of Gold, to the World-Weary Gunslinger, to the Noble Marshall, to
the Heartless Villain with the Unbeatable Draw, theres never a question of what
types youre going to find, its more a matter of how realistically theyll
be played (see Unforgiven), or how much theyre going to be spoofed (see Rustlers
Rhapsody, if you dare). So even when you do something new, if its a Western, you
have a great deal of expectation to fulfill. This is not always a good thing.
The big problem with the modern Western is that the vast majority of stories have
already been tried at one time or another. Being resistant to change can be a drawback, as
countless animal species have discovered. Oh, people keep trying; Lonesome Dove is
maybe a Western soap opera, what with its length and the sheer amount of emotion, and
there are always new, gritty, realistic re-tellings of the exploits of romantic
psychopathic outlaws, usually with Tom Selleck in a starring role.
But like any major genre, there are stages of revitalization. You have the initial
"straight" stage, and eventually you have to stretch the boundaries to make it
interesting, once youve covered all the standard ground well enough. Then you get to
do some comedy and some parodies, and then you kind of get into a self-aware kind of
revitalization. An excellent example of this sort of progression would be the history of
the slasher flick, a relatively new phenomenon that has grown, matured, grown decadent,
and then reinvented itself with the Scream movies, which are pretty much as
self-aware as you can get about your own genre. The Western has been around for so long,
its hard to tell why they really havent done all that much reinventing. There
are attempts, like Silverado, and the most excellent Unforgiven, but nothing
that really rates up as slick as the Scream comparison.
It is educational to watch the older films, though. Westerns were such a favorite in
the early days of film-making, a lot of techniques were used that are just plain cliché
these days. It almost boggles the mind, when you watch High Noon, to see
that sudden zoom in to close up, accompanied by a "sting" of dramatic music, and
then you realize that, at the time it was made, that move wasnt a no-brainer.
Somebody had to think of that, and put it in. And it was new. I mean, wow.
But Im getting off-track, once again.
There is a movie that comes pretty close to the Scream standard, for a Western.
Naturally, its brought to life by one of my favorite directors, Mr. Sam Raimi.
Id love to call him Samuel, in that reverential familiar/formal tone that cultists
use, but I dont have any actual idea if his name actually is Samuel or not. I think
his brother, the inestimable Ted Raimi, is actually named Theodore, but again, no hard
evidence exists in my possession. Which is not to say it doesnt exist somewhere, but
I dont know about it.
Some would call Sam Raimi a wizard of shlock cinema. He seems to excel at over-the-top
effects, almost cartoon-like in their unreality. Around our house, we commonly use the
term "Raimi Physics" to describe freakish stunts in all sorts of situations.
Just watch an episode of Xena: Warrior Princess, and youll see an average of
8.7 actions that are impossible by the laws of physics as we currently understand them.
That number was carefully researched by myself, by a thorough review of all the episodes I
can remember off the top of my head and then dividing the number of Raimi Physics stunts
by the number of episodes where Im sure not as much happened. You know, all that
character development and brooding and stuff.
Personally, I think calling his work "shlock" is under-representation. The
man strikes me as a kid in a cinematic candy store. We have the collectors laserdisc
Dead 2, and theres the secondary audio track with him and loveable mug Bruce
Campbell and a few crew members commenting on the film as it unfolds. It sounded like they
were having just a wonderful time, not only in the making of the film but also in just
watching it again. The best film-makers make the kinds of films that theyd like to
see, and if youre warped and talented, and recognize the humor in self-animated
severed body parts, then naturally youre going to find a kind of demented joy in
bringing freakishly unrealistic actions to the screen. I imagine planning meetings in the
Raimi entertainment empire starting off with "Wouldnt it be cool if
" And once I write that, I realize the motivating force behind Raimi Physics
must be the sheer glee of it all. There is a simple joy in the films he does, akin to the
good old Warner Bros. toons, or the kind of suspension of disbelief that allows you
to think a man with a six-shooter can take out seven armed men before they can draw on
Which, of course, brings us right back around to Westerns, and that wonderful Raimi
entry into the field, The Quick and the Dead.
I can recall when this movie came out. A feminist Western, they were saying, based on
the fact that Sharon Stone plays the dramatic lead. Of course, Gene Hackman is playing the
villain, but nobody says its an aging former Superman villain Western, and Leo DiCaprio is a young hotshot
gunslinger in it, but nobody calls it a Drowned Cute Guy Western. Well, granted, this was
before Titanic, but its still
When preparing for this review, I naturally had to watch the movie again. And again,
and again, but the first time was the key, because thats when you get a lot of the
good comments. I lucked out; both the lovely wife, George, and our good friend Jennie were
available for a viewing. Ive known Jennie just about as long as Ive been in
Chicago; we met in our first class in the DePaul Masters program, and of all the
people I met in that program, shes one of the few who stayed close. Luckily,
shes a fan of Stomp Tokyo, so she was
perfect to watch the movie with. And George is, well, George. You cant do better
So after setting down with some chips and beer, we popped in the tape. Sam Raimi seems
to go better with beer. "You got your beer on my Sam Raimi!" "You got your
Sam Raimi in my beer!" "Dont worry, ladies!
forgotten the rest of how the old Reeces Cups commercial went, so I just trailed
off. I have a tendency to do that. That and go off on tangents. I remember there was this
Anyway, the plot is essentially dragged out of Once Upon A Time In The West, as
well as any number of similar movies. Mysterious stranger with a painful past blows back
into town to avenge the wrongs done so long ago. Of course, Ms. Stone looks much better
than Charles Bronson, in my personal opinion. Anyway, these crimes were done so long ago
that the perpetrator has forgotten who she is, but, Batman-like, the experience has driven
her throughout her life. Of course, we dont find this out for a while, but Im
skipping ahead to point out the Archetype. In a Raimi movie, the most interesting points
are not the character subtleties, so its okay to point out the classical nature of
the role. In fact, as the movie develops, the familiarity of the details just adds to the
The opening sequence is instructive. Wasteland, as far as the eye can see, and one
crazy man digging holes all over, looking for his gold. Hes so crazy, when he hears
someone coming, he snatches up his gun and takes a pot-shot at whoever it is, rather than
suffer an intruder on his treasure hunt. Of course, he makes the fatal mistake, and gets
too close. Remember, as they say over at the Dimension of
Jabootu, guns work from a distance. In any case, after the shooter is down (turns out
hes just a bit player), we find the shot just went through the brim of Sharon
Stones hat. Yes, we see this as her shadow falls across his unconscious body, a
point of light in an otherwise solid place. And yes, this is not the last time we see that
kind of effect, though the second time is much less likely, and much funnier, actually.
We get the whole riding into town sequence, complete with a close shot of her squinty
eyes as she looks at the burned-out Sheriffs office. How very Eastwood. And yes, if
it seems as if theyre playing every cliché they can, they are. Hell, they
havent really even started yet, theyre just on the Sergio Leone references.
Their introduction of Lance Henriksens character (yes, Lance is in here, is there
any movie hes not in? The mans like Michael Caine, but looking much
more like Death personified) is just about textbook, from the long shadow cast on the
floor as he pauses in the swinging doors of the saloon, to the slow pan to take him in, to
the casual leather-clad machismo he exudes. Its not as good as his role in Dead
Man, but then again, thats a role thats hard to top. Particularly the
quirks of his appetites. But thats for another review.
Gene Hackman plays the villain who pretty much owns the town,, John Herod. Nothing like
a Biblical reference to really strike the right tone for a character. Hes hosting a
contest, a competition of quick-draw artists in this nothing little town of Redemption,
where the undertaker is the happiest man in town. (Again, theres a tradition of
prophetically named towns in Westerns, including the town of Perfection in the movie Tremors,
a Western with underground monsters. And happy
undertakers are never a good sign in Westerns, either.) This provides an excuse for a
collection of rough, tough, unsavory characters to gather, including the aforementioned
Sharon and Lance. They have names like Ace (Henriksen), Scars (Mark Boone Junior), and the
Kid (DiCaprio). Sharon never gives her name, being the Woman with No Name (as denoted by
the crows feet around her dangerous, squinty eyes), but they end up calling her the
Lady (I believe shes listed as "Ellen" in the credits). Nothing like
nicknames in the Old West, second only to gangster nicknames. Products of completely
different environments, or of parallel evolution, borne of similarly brutal and violent
times? You be the judge.
After getting introduced to some of the name talent (we dont waste time with
cannon fodder) and some of the motivating plot devices (there are villagers and a little
girl with a speaking part, so you know shes got to be significant), we see that even
withered old men can do that disappearing-behind-a-crowd-of-people. That may not be the
main point of this section of the movie, but its an interesting lesson nonetheless.
Never underestimate the elderly; the geezer you make fun of today could prove to be the
very same ninja that visits you in the dead of night and leaves your major organs stacked
on the pillow beside you. Consider yourself warned, and be suspicious of all old people.
Every time I see this movie, I am struck by the youth on display in the person of
Leonardo. He looks about eleven and a half in this film, even with his fancy gun belt and
his tendency toward self-aggrandizing tough-talk. Mind you, there are parts in the film
where he actually does emote pretty well, showing that his success at his chosen
profession is not based 100% on his looks, but then again, he did freaking Titanic,
and after having that rammed down my throat for some number of months, Im not
recovered sufficiently to fully like him again, regardless of how many fun movies or art
movies he does. Gilbert Grape, my behind; hes still a pretty-boy in my book.
Regardless, here, hes the cocky one, the charismatic young up-and-comer who measures
his self worth by the bounty on his head and the number of crimes hes committed. Not
entirely unlike the young Kevin Costner in Silverado, but with more casual violence
inherent in his demeanor. He also owns one of the town gun shops, with a whole bunch of
collectors pieces, but well deal with that later.
I do have my own favorites, such as Spotted Horse. "Spotted Horse cannot be killed
by a bullet!" he exclaims later in the movie, ripping open his shirt to show his
bullet scars (even later, he goes on to prove it; Night of the Living Dead Gunfighters.
Wait, Im having a vision of Dead Heat set in the Old West. I got to get off
the cough syrup). "Ive taken four bullets in my arm, three in my left leg, one
in my right, and two bullets in the back. Another bullet went through my lip. Another
bullet went through my left foot. And another bullet went into my head, today, here, and
has not even come out yet!" No wonder hes talking like that. Dr. Spotted Horse,
PhD and Fellow at Harvard, has encountered too much lead, and its impairing his
brain function. Poor man. A mind is a terrible thing to taste. No, wait, thats more
of a zombie comment again. Sorry.
When Herod enters, complete with gusting wind and slow-motion footsteps, we are
unequivocally certain that this is the villain. Thats absolutely confirmed when his
henchmen finally enter with the last major player in our drama, a man by the name of Cort,
who is a preacher (!) and the target of a whole towns disgust (!!). Cort is played
by Russell Crowe (also looking amazingly young in this movie), who is shaggy-haired and
handsome enough to draw catcalls and comments from my wife and my friend Jennie, who
watched the movie with me. They came up with the concept of the "Russell Crowe
Revue," 25 Russell Crowes on-stage in Chippendales-style crowd-pleasing dance
routines. Of course, all I had to do was bring up The Insider, and that put the
ki-bosh on that whole line of fantasy. Good actor he may be, but its often hard to
overcome the unsexiness of playing a graying doughy guy.
Regardless, they want Cort to fight in the contest, but hes renounced violence
(as it unfolds, Cort used to be a killer, but got a conscience). So they go to kill him if
he doesnt agree to fight. Naturally, since this is a gun-fighting contest, everybody
is a sharpshooter, and since its a movie, there are no duds or misfires, as were
common in the actual Old West. And also, hanging is the execution method of choice.
Hanging is actually a good choice; it saves the cost of a bullet, its usually not as
hard to clean up after as using a knife, and you can re-use the rope afterward. Of course,
these various benefits are lost when you waste bullets (and a perfectly good chair) during
the course of your intimidation tactic.
Now, since Russell Crowe is name
talent, and since hes got good teeth (you can usually tell the major characters in
Westerns by their having straight, clean teeth, when all the no-namers look like the
Before pictures shown at a Dental Re-Constructive Surgeons convention), you know
hes not going to die at this time. This does set up a number of things, though: the
evil of Herod, the penitent conviction of Cort, and the grudging heroism of Lady, as she
acts to save the mans life (but not right away, and not without some difficulty). It
also makes sure that Cort and Lady are entered into the contest.
Ladys background story is told in hazy flashbacks, and though its more
involved than the Harmonica Players story in Once Upon a Time, it is unfolds
in a fairly similar way, in that we dont get the full story until much later in the
film. We do get little glimpses all through, most every time she sleeps, actually. Of
course, with the Harmonica Player, the truth is elegantly simple, and is saved for the
last five or so minutes. Here, because its a 90s movie, we get more chunks of
the story earlier, so we can guess the gist of it before we see the details, and see how
she copes with her almost not being able to go through with it. As she arises this
morning, in the Kids bed (laid over kegs of dynamite, a bit of foreshadowing), she
ends up admitting her intention to kill Herod. The Kid says hes too fast, and it
also slips out that Herod is his father.
Regardless, on the next day, the contest starts. Cort, having spent the night in chains
by the town fountain, is challenged by a vicious thug, who displays his bravery by
challenging the one guy who says he wont fight. Ace shows off with some trick
shooting, and is challenged by Herod. Lady is about to gun Herod down in the bar, but
before she can do that, Kelly, the guy who shot at her in the beginning, shows up and
challenges her. However, the first contest is fought between the Kid and the Swedish
sharp-shooting champion. This is one of the few matches apparently devoid of rancor or a
personal grudge. But it does allow us to witness a very cool "arming up"
montage. Raimi uses this opportunity to slip in a "gun-cam" shot, with the camera fixed looking up across the pistol as it is
moved around, the chamber spun
Then its time for the gunfight. This is the first point where the stops are fully
pulled out. Quick zooms, dramatic quotes, shots of townspeople closing their shutters,
close-ups of eyes, gun hands, and later on they do that neat Vertigo-like trick where they
zoom in on the subject while pulling the camera back, so it looks like the background is
its all the Western standards all in one place, with all the
cheesy dramatic cinematic techniques thrown in.
This is how the movie qualifies as self-aware. It tosses in everything about Westerns,
every archetype and cliché, and mixes them all together, while still utilizing them in
the manner in which theyre supposed to be used. Raimi is too experienced a
film-maker to have done this unthinkingly; the mere fact that theyre done so well,
and so appropriately, shows that its fully intentional. And if its
intentional, that must mean hes trying to evoke both our amusement and the
sensations of the old-style Westerns. Sams playing with the genre, pushing
everything he can think of into this movie and, by the sheer weight of cliché, pushing it
into humor. He does that on occasion in Xena, Hercules, and the Back 2
Back Action duo. Its not like this is an unusual technique; its exactly
what Peter Jackson did in Dead Alive, taking the zombie movie as the model in that
case. Its up to the individual opinion as to whether or not this kind of tactic is
effective, but if you enter into the experience expecting satire within the genre
standards, youre bound to have a better viewing experience than if you were
expecting a straightforward Western.
The Kid wins (hes the name talent, so there was never any doubt), and though
hes violent and vicious, hes not a obligate murderer, like some of the other
gunfighters. Hes willing to let his opponent live, provided the man gives up.
Theres a classic montage, cross-fading images, many in slow motion, across a
black background. Its amazing how ludicrous it seems, but given the rest of the
movie, it is hard to imagine any other type of transition fitting in correctly.
Now the time comes for Corts fight. Hes unshackled, and led down the street
to the Kids gun shop. Luthors Odious Comic Relief torments him the whole way,
but he finds little ways to get back at the rat-boy. God helps those who help themselves.
Seems Lex is going to get a gun for Cort, so he can fight, even though he claims he
wont. The Kid starts pulling out all these custom rigs, high quality guns, telling
the stories behind each of them. Cort starts pacing, trying to ignore the metallic music
over at the counter. Hes looking more and more like an addict, trying to ignore the
fix of his drug just waiting for him on the table. Lex tosses him a gun, and he just
starts spinning it, a very flashy move.
Come to think of it, most of the folks here have decent gun handling skills, from spins
into the holster and whatnot
no, wait, Im thinking of Three Amigos. I
was very impressed with how the comedians playing gunfighters seemed to handle their
weapons, and even though Russell Crowe is not really a comedian, he has a good feel for
it, too. Must have been his misspent youth.
Luthor thinks a man cant change what he is. He thinks Cort will always be a
killer to the core, and he refuses to believe the Kid is his son, refusing to believe the
Kid is a "real" gunfighter. Cort says he wont fight, but Luthor buys him a
gun anyway, cheap but functional. He only gives him one bullet. "Preacher has the
Lord on his side. He only needs one bullet. Just one. Otherwise, he might be tempted to
shoot his way out of town."
The contest comes, the thug goes to kill Cort, and without his conscious volition, Cort
draws. I should have known Crowe had a bright future in acting when I saw his look of
dismay at his own reflexive action. But we of the audience knew he would survive; after
all, weve spent so much time developing him as a heroic character, it would be silly
to have him die now.
Herod faces Ace, and before they get going, theres a nice casual exchange,
allowing Ace to continue bragging, until Herod calls him on his bluffs, catching him in
his lies. I always knew Lex Luthor was smart, from way back in the Superman movies,
but he really, really loves the sound of his own voice. Given the amount of time he spent
taunting Superman, I should have realized it earlier. Anyway, once again, Lex relies upon
sharp-shooting and pontificating, dragging out the inevitable killing of Lance Henriksen.
Oh, its so much fun whenever Lance dies. It happens so often, and hes so good
at it. Some are lackadaisical, such as in Scream 3, and some are more emphatic,
such as in Hard Target.
Here, its much more florid and dramatic than necessary, as befits the context. At
this point in the movie, Im starting to get inured to the bombastic approach
actually, by this time, Im usually digging it.
It is exactly three-quarters of an hour into a hundred and five minute movie, and
already weve seen a whole mess of killings, along with a few woundings. As Westerns
go, this particular flick has very few slow points, which works to its favor.
The final conflict of the evening is Lady facing off against Kelly, and now we have to
see if Lady has the guts to really succeed. It wouldnt be much of a movie if she
didnt, but what she didnt expect was the elation of winning.
In the night, Lady has a face-off with Lex, who has invited her to dinner at the
Lexcorp Headquarters. We now hear a little about how Luthor came to be, what drives his
evil. Its revealed that Lex had a screwed-up childhood, which is, I think,
psychologically accurate to the modern understanding of criminality. Its not that I
believe in a Scientology-like model that things we hear at birth can affect our lives, but
the lessons you learn as a child, particularly those of pain, abuse, or smothering
control, whether psychological or physical, stick with a person forever. Certainly, the
realistic Luthor backs up my assertions. However, when faced with the Man with No Fear
(who I thought was Daredevil, though its actually Lex Luthor, apparently, and,
crossing both archetypes and the copyright laws between Marvel and DC), Lady cant
compete, and flees.
The next day alternates between pouring rain and dusty hot sun. This town must have
wonderful drainage, as the times when its not pouring, it seems to be bone dry. I
wish I knew how they did that; we could use that sort of drainage scheme in Chicago. The
contests go on, but Luthor changes it from "left standing" to "left
alive." Just like it should be; guns are designed to be fatal, and gunfights should
be lethal as well. Admittedly, death is not treated as realistically in this movie as it
is in Unforgiven, but the horror of death is fairly well represented by the
absolute utter lack of respect the killers display toward each other and the dead. Those
with any soul left are shaken when death comes, and close to the end, we see the death of
a couple of characters we care about, and the pain that causes. Thats something that
all too few action movies show, and its something that should be encouraged. I mean,
Im not opposed to the slick, stylish violence, I dont think violent movies
create violent behavior where none existed previously, and even this movie breaks its own
rules about the significance of death at the dramatic end, but I do think a real, human
portrayal of the consequences is valuable.
But Im off-track.
The Kid kills off a minor character, Luthor takes out the smooth and stylish hired gun
the townspeople called in (with, by the way, some of the best over-the-top camera
I thought the shot of Ace through the bullet hole in a playing card was cool,
), and Cort has some difficulty with Spotted Horse. One of the most
disgusting characters finally gives Lady a motivation to complete the second round of
competition. I have to say, as far as justified killings go, this one was set up for most
of the movie as the most justified. Well, but for the final fight, of course, which, as
will surprise no one, is set up best of all.
So, anyway. The third day of competition, its down to four people. Cort, Lady,
the Kid, and ol Lex. No good can come of this. Of course, theres always the
truism that if you have enough allies, you can outsmart even the toughest thugs.
Thats a very simple lesson that its better to be nice than tough. Well, it
would be best if you were both, I suppose, but its hard to be the one when
youre the other. The old ninja man plays a role, as does the blind kid. Its
very good to know Mr. Raimi does well by his secondary characters.
The last day of competition. Dawn. A final
face-off between the forces of Good and Evil in the heart of the town of Redemption. And
what a significant face off it is. For one thing, its completely over the top in the
coolness factor. Things blow up, but for perfectly good reasons (not like bats are flying
into them or anything). And through it all, the final twist (not entirely unguessable)
comes out. The details of it all relate back to the rest of the movie, actually, bringing
things around to a close nicely. And just when you thought youd won
Ill leave that discovery, as amusing as it is, to the viewer.
There are some really nifty activities in the closing sequence. An uncanny display of
look-ma-no-aiming gunplay reveals that old skills never really do fade completely, and
after everything wraps up, things come to a close with a new hope for Redemption, in
several senses of the word. Ah, if only real life were this predictable and yet this
It is interesting to note that this is yet another Raimi movie in which Bruce Campbell,
loveable mug, played a significant role. There are many times when Campbell has worked
without Sam, but I cant think of more than a handful of Raimi projects that
havent involved Bruce. As it happens, he played a Justice of the Peace who married
the Kid and his cute red-headed girlfriend, but that whole scene was cut from the final
version of the movie. We still see the Kid and his new bride in their finery, talking to
Lex, but were given no hint as to why theyre dressed up so nice and purty.
Reckon the Raimi brothers thought it was just extra padding, all things considered.
Personally, I truly do think seeing Bruces face in the background would have been
a special treat, just like I think having the Legendary Hoff appear as the Prettiest
Gunfighter in the West would have been wonderful (hence the two Hoffs). But we can always
The whole soundtrack was heavy with the Spanish guitar, the horn section, the wailing
it didnt really do the satire thing, as much as the visual action
did, but it was very evocative of the classic films it was.
This is a Western in a modified Modern Realist tone, which, regardless of what it means
to other art people, means to me a Western that attempts to show some realistic scenes of
life as it was, while still allowing the leads to appear attractive to the modern viewer. Unforgiven
does this the best that I can think of offhand, but The Quick and the Dead modifies
it enough to be slick and flashy in the vein of a modern action flick, with comic touches.
If the respectable old standard of the Western is going to have any more big-screen time,
its going to have to mutate into something like this, something with a modern view
of action, and an appreciation of the classic standards.
Do we like it? Yes we do. Is it good? Well, its enjoyable, and it looks real
nice. People can only call it a "bad" movie because it seems cliché, almost
formulaic, but then again, thats what its going for, so its hard to
fault it for that. Personally, if I had to choose, Id rather have this movie than
any of John Waynes. Luckily, its not an "either/or" situation, and I
can enjoy both for their own merits. And theres always a place for Clint, as well.
- Ladys quick thinking when Corts life was on the line. Literally.
Rat-boy gets his come-uppance, not once but twice.
- One of the top-billed actors, Gary Sinise, makes an appearance of less than a couple
of minutes. Admittedly, hes good in the screen time he has, but still
thats like Martha Quinns high billing in Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town.
My dear, dear friend, Dr. Spotted Horse. Now, thats one Native
American who a) knows how to dress, and b) doesnt know the meaning of the word
"quit." If were lucky, we each have a little Spotted Horse inside us.
Hopefully not literally.
- The little blind boy who can throw accurately. A sort of pre-pubescent, Old West
Daredevil, or perhaps the kid who would grow up to be Rutger Hauer in Blind Fury.
No, wait, he went blind in the Nam, it wasnt like he was born that way in the Old
West. My bad.
- Chair Tricks with Lex Luthor!
-- Copyright © 2000 by E. Mark Mitchell
Cold Fusion Video