STARRING: Mark Wahlberg, Helena Bonham Carter, Tim Roth, Michael Clarke Duncan and Estella Warren

This movie is freakin’ cool, man!

I’m a big fan of the original "Planet of the Apes." I’m a big fan of director Tim Burton. And I’m a big fan of monkeys. You’d expect me to go bananas (sorry, couldn’t help it) for Burton’s reworking of the 1968 sci-fi classic. But even if I weren't predisposed to go ape (okay, I lied, but this is the last one) over this flick, I’d still say it kicks some serious monkey butt. Why? Because we finally have a summer movie worth seeing! A marvelous fusion of spectacular sights, ingenious performances and skilled storytelling.

Tim Roth's General Thade restores my faith in movie villainy.

Hollywood has spent the last several months flinging crap around like chimps in the monkey house (I couldn’t help myself, but at least it was creative). Most of the movies released since May have been average attempts with weak plots and too many special effects. You know, audiences don’t ask for much from their summer movies. They just want to be entertained. Unfortunately, I have left the theater too often lately shrugging, "Uhhh, it was okay."

Too many recent movies have not lived up to expectations. I was worried that this flick would be one of them. I was certainly concerned when the trailers started popping up. It looked great, but so did "The Mummy Returns," "Pearl Harbor" and "Jurassic Park III." I was sick and tired of being disappointed. Every time I saw the "Planet of the Apes" preview, I uttered a solemn prayer — please don’t let it suck. Thankfully, it doesn’t. "Planet of the Apes" arrives just in time to save the summer of 2001.

Planet of the Apes arrives just in time to save the summer of 2001.

The movie takes the premise of the original film and expands it in a way that only Burton could. Some critics are crying that’s it too far a departure from the Charlton Heston version. Who cares? It’s not like that flick has been blinked out of existence. If you prefer Chuckie gallivanting around in a loincloth, more power to you. I dig the original movie, too, but this new one is an awesome ride.

Somebody tell me: where’s the fun in making a carbon copy of the original film (Gus Van Sant, I’m talking to you)? Burton gives the concept — a world where intelligent apes rule and man is subservient — an overhaul while also being very respectful of its origins. There are some wonderful tips of the hat to the first one — from cameos by Heston and Linda Harrison (she played Nova in the original. Blink and you miss her, but she’s there) to characters spouting the same lines to a playful tweak of the original’s twist ending.

The movie is definitely a Tim Burton film. This guy has created some of the most extraordinary movie images of the last 15 years. There’s the cinematic rebirth of the Dark Knight in "Batman," the melancholy fairy tale of "Edward Scissorhands," and the animated poetry of "A Nightmare Before Christmas" (with Henry Selick). But Burton also has a history of making great looking films with very weak plots. He’s one of the few filmmakers that you forgive for his narrative shortcomings because his visuals are just so damn amazing, but you still long to see Burton pay as much attention to the story as he does the pictures.

I didn’t want "Planet of the Apes" to turn out like "Sleepy Hollow," a movie that was mesmerizing until it degenerated into a Halloween episode of "Murder, She Wrote." But Burton holds it together this time, giving us a great story along with the eye candy. Audiences are treated to some impressive sights while the script by William Broyles, Jr. ("Cast Away"), Mark Rosenthal and Lawrence Konner (the scribes behind the remake of "Mighty Joe Young") remains compelling from beginning to end. This flick is everything we want in a summer movie — funny, frightening and action-packed. While it may not be Burton’s most personal work (I think that honor would go to "Edward Scissorhands" or "Ed Wood"), it’s surely his most well crafted.

This movie kicks some serious monkey butt.

Comparisons to the original are inevitable so let’s get them out of the way now. They both begin relatively the same. An astronaut (Heston in the original, Mark Wahlberg from "The Perfect Storm" in this one) crash on a strange planet where talking apes are the dominant species. That’s about where the similarities end. While Heston spent his time trying to prove to the apes that man had value, Wahlberg is on the run from the rancorous General Thade (Tim Roth from "Reservoir Dogs") and reluctantly leading a human rebellion. Both movies have some very satisfying twists . . . and feature monkeys on horseback.

Where the first flick used its premise to philosophize about humanity and serve as a veiled metaphor for racism, this new one just wants to enthrall you. The racism subtext is still there, but the filmmakers don’t make as much noise about it. First and foremost, Burton and Co. have made a delicious, hot buttered popcorn movie. And they’ve made it well. "Planet of the Apes" is beguiling entertainment.

Where the original took its time revealing the apes (it had to build suspense being the first movie and all), this new one gives us ape action soon after the opening credits. The filmmakers know why we’re coming and they introduce our furry friends in a thrilling sequence that riffs on the "man hunt" from the first flick. Unlike his predecessors, Burton has the luxury of computer effects (and tons of cash) to help him create a brand new world. For example, his Ape City is a crowded, kinetic cityscape of treehouses, which is so much more appropriate than the "Modern Stone Age Family" look of the original.

This latest attempt also benefits from the advancement in make-up effects since 1968. Oscar winner Rick Baker (for "American Werewolf in London" and "How the Grinch Stole Christmas") transforms the cast into realistic banana munchers. While the original’s make-up was cutting age for its time, it often hindered the expressiveness of its actors. The apes often came across as nothing more than actors in costume. In the new film, the performers thoroughly incorporate simian traits into their roles. The make-up liberates them to fully become the character. For example, Roth and Helena Bonham Carter ("Fight Club") offer some of their best work while hidden underneath latex and fake fur.

Helena Bonham Carter delivers some of her best work hidden underneath latex and fake fur.

Roth is a revelation as the evil chimp, General Thade. If you’ve read any of my earlier reviews, you know that one of my pet peeves is lame movie villains. Nowadays, bad guys are either uncharismatic ("Lara Croft: Tomb Raider"), over-the-top ("The Patriot") or just plain ridiculous ("Battlefield Earth"). We haven’t had a decent cinematic evildoer since Ray Park’s Darth Maul in "Star Wars: Episode One" and even he was only onscreen for about 20 minutes. Roth’s Thade restores my faith in movie villainy. He’s charismatic and scary, malevolent and powerful. He chews enough scenery to be memorable, but not so much that he falls into self-parody. Roth so completely disappears into the role; you don’t feel like you’re watching an actor.

The human characters pale in comparison. Wahlberg is a serviceable hero, but he’s outclassed by Roth, Carter and Michael Clarke Duncan ("The Green Mile"). Model and Athlete Estella Warren does a better job here than she did in her debut film, the car-racing dud "Driven," but all she does is throw Wahlberg soulful glances. Kris Kristofferson ("Lone Star") has a brief and inconsequential role as Warren’s father, which means he walks around looking like an aging roadie for Metallica. Come to this movie for the monkeys.

I don’t know if "Planet of the Apes" will become a classic, but it definitely delivers for moviegoers starved for prime summer viewing. I think it has more personality than its predecessor and certainly my favorite film so far this year. Given its nearly $70 million opening weekend, a sequel is probably not too far behind. Hopefully, those involved will remember what made this movie exceptional and any successors won’t turn out like most of this summer’s offerings. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to see it again.

(Editor's Note: I'm fairly sure that Filmboy knows the difference between apes and monkeys, but I'm going to side with him on the fact that the word "monkey" sure is fun to type.)