Let’s take a moment to ponder the career of Stephen Baldwin. Also known as the "Youngest Baldwin" or the "Goofy Baldwin," Stephen began his career in the early ‘90s with the TV western, "The Young Riders." He slowly segued into films and gave strong performances in a few movies, most notably "Threesome," "The Usual Suspects," and "Crossing the Bridge." Unfortunately, he’s made as many bad choices as he has good ones. Some would speculate that since Stephen’s not an A-list star that he’s only as good as the parts he’s offered. Others would say don’t fault a guy for trying to pay his bills. But I think there’s something seriously wrong with him. How else do you explain "Bio-Dome?"

HOW ELSE DO YOU EXPLAIN "THE FLINTSTONES IN VIVA ROCK VEGAS?"

Baldwin takes over in the role Rick Moranis originated in the 1994 Flintstones movie, which was in turn based (of course) on the classic ‘60s cartoon series. Beyond being physically wrong for the part — when was Barney almost as tall as Fred? — Stephen Baldwin is too, well, Stephen Baldwin to play Barney. You hear the familiar laugh, you look at the brown caveman outfit and you see . . . STEPHEN BALDWIN! And all you can think is . . .

Man, this guy must really need the work.

Sure, Baldwin says in all the interviews that he did this movie for his kids, but isn’t that what every actor says when he humiliates himself in a moronic kid’s movie?

Sure, Stephen says in all the interviews that he did this movie for his kids, but isn’t that what every actor says when he humiliates himself in a moronic kid’s movie? I’m not implying that all movies for kids are moronic, just this one. In fact, there’s been a batch of really good kiddie flicks lately, from "Stuart Little" to "Toy Story 2," but "The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas" is definitely doesn’t belong in that category. It may be too banal even for the pre-school set and that’s an audience that’s not too hard to please.

This movie is a ludicrous prequel to the earlier film and shows how Fred and Barney hooked up with Wilma and Betty to become the modern Stone Age family that we all know and love. The fact that none of the actors from the first film reprise their roles should have been a strong indication that I was in big trouble. I know that the previous movie wasn’t high art, but it did have nifty special effects — successfully transplanting the cartoon to a live action setting — and a few genuine laughs. I could at least watch it without groaning. The gags in this new flick are incredibly stale. For starters, we’ve got farting dinosaurs and Fred and Barney in drag. You haven’t seen humor this sophisticated since "Three’s Company" went off the air.

The new cast has Mark Addy ("The Full Monty") as Fred, the aforementioned Stephen Baldwin as Barney, Kristen Johnson (TV’s "3^rd Rock From the Sun") as Wilma and Jane Krakowski ("Go" and TV’s "Ally McBeal") as Betty. With the exception of Baldwin, the casting’s not too bad. Addy is actually better at Fred than John Goodman and Krakowski is a far superior Betty. She adds a little sex appeal to the role, which makes this dreck just a tad more palpable. Rounding out the cast are Thomas Gibson (TV’s "Dharma & Greg") as Wilma’s old boyfriend, Joan Collins as her mom and Alan Cumming — enduring the worst combination of make-up and computer effects ever seen — as The Great Gazoo.

The story has Wilma, an unhappy debutante, fleeing her gilded cage and befriending Betty, a perky waitress at Bronto King. Betty gets Wilma a job and soon they meet Fred and Barney, two young cavemen looking for love. Wilma falls for Fred because he’s an average guy and he does that neat bowling trick where he walks on his toes. Betty digs Barney because . . . I have no clue. I guess because it’s in the script.

Meanwhile, Wilma’s rich and snobby mom tracks her down, coercing her to come home and give her old beau, Princestone-grad Chip Rockefeller a second chance. Wilma rebuffs him, but to show he’s a swell guy, Chip sends the foursome on an all-expenses paid trip to his new hotel/casino in fabulous Rock Vegas. Of course, it’s all part of a dubious plan to win back Wilma’s heart. In between all this, Fred and Barney run into The Great Gazoo, an alien explorer visiting from the future to observe "human mating habits." He offers the duo some condescending advice and ultimately helps them save the day.

"The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas" pretty much craps all over the beloved Hanna-Barbara legacy.

Maybe I’m asking too much, but I would’ve been happy if there had been at least one scene where I wasn’t too embarrassed to laugh. One joke that didn’t insult my intelligence. Some inkling of wit to make me believe that director Brian Levant and four writers — My God! Four writers! — actually spent some time and energy developing this thing. But alas, it was not to be. The plot is predictable, the dialogue juvenile and the humor as obvious and lowbrow as any garden variety episode of "Hee Haw." And I’m probably being generous.

"The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas" pretty much craps all over the beloved Hanna-Barbara legacy, those creative giants that gave us not only "The Flintstones," but also "The Jetsons" and the original "Jonny Quest." If only this flick had a fraction of the charm of those earlier animated gems. It might have prevented me from storming the box office and demanding back the time that I wasted on this tripe. I think the producers just pulled this rubbish together in an attempt to bilk money from parents everywhere. Since it’s one of the few kid-oriented flicks out now, they may very well succeed.

I can’t let such an injustice be visited on the parents of the world. Please spread this proclamation throughout the land to spare further suffering:

THIS MOVIE REALLY BLOWS! DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY ON IT.

You want more proof? After suffering through this cinematic foulness, I returned home to find a message on my answering machine. It was from a dear friend wanting to know how things were going. He signed off with a wisecrack about how I’m never home. It was actually funnier than the entire 90 minutes of this movie.

You have been warned.