STARRING: Richard Gere, Helen Hunt, Farrah Fawcett, Kate Hudson and Tara Reid

Imagine what a different movie this flick would have been if it had been titled "Mr. T & the Women." Instead of Richard Gere, our favorite A-Teamster could have played the role of a charming Dallas gynecologist facing a crossroads in his life and relationships. I can see it now . . .

Mr. T comes into the examination room, wearing a white lab coat over his gold chains and fatigues. He checks his patient’s chart and then barks, "Get on the table, sucka!"

His daughters burst into the room to discuss their mom’s erratic behavior. She’s been taking off her clothes and playing in water fountains at the local mall. T throws down the chart and exclaims. "I pity the fool who interrupts me during an examination!"

In his free time, Mr. T likes to play golf or go hunting with his buddies. They eat pimento cheese sandwiches and wax philosophical about women. Frustrated by their lack of understanding in regards to the fairer sex, T brings the smack down hard on his unsuspecting cronies. "Cut the jibba-jabba, fools!" he bellows, wrapping a 9-iron around his friend’s neck. "I pity the fool that doesn’t respect his woman."

Yeah, it would have been a much different movie. You know what to expect from Mr. T. Such is not always the case with Robert Altman, the unconventional director who has crafted both brilliant ensemble dramatic comedies like "M*A*S*H" and over-indulgent dreck like "Ready to Wear." Unfortunately, "Dr. T & the Women" is stuck somewhere in between. It is both an easy-going comedy about a man with waaaaay too many women in his life and a meandering mid-life crisis drama.

Richard Gere plays Dr. Sullivan Travis — a good-looking, wealthy doctor with a gorgeous wife (Farrah Fawcett), two beautiful daughters (Kate Hudson from "Almost Famous" and Tara Reid from "American Pie") and a thriving practice. He pals around with his buddies, doing rich guy stuff like hanging out at the country club and going duck hunting. Since a movie about a handsome doctor with tons of money, good friends and a hot wife would be damn boring; things quickly take a turn for the worst.

Shelley Long is a hoot as Sully's head nurse.

His wife develops an odd mental disorder where she reverts back to early childhood (hence the frolicking naked in public). His daughters are fighting over the one’s upcoming wedding because she seems to be more interested in the maid of honor than the groom. Then there’s Sully’s tipsy sister-in-law (Laura Dern having fun for a change), who’s getting a divorce and has moved into his house with her young girls. Plus, every woman in Dallas seems to be ready for her annual check-up . . .NOW. Is it any wonder that Sully is looking for more than just advice on his swing from a sexy golf pro (Helen Hunt)?

Altman has assembled a talented, attractive and eclectic cast for this eccentric film. Where else are you going to see Richard Gere share scenes with Robert Hays (remember him from "Airplane!") and Andy Richter (fresh from "Late Night with Conan O’Brien")? Okay, not everyone in the cast is talented and attractive, but it’s definitely a diverse bunch. Altman works well with the large cast, even if some roles appear to be not much more than extended cameos.

The movie also features Liv Tyler ("Armageddon"), Shelley Long ("Cheers" and "Troop Beverly Hills") and Janine Turner ("Northern Exposure"). Long is a hoot as Sully’s head nurse. Her sassy turn is a welcome change from the stiff work she’s done in the past. I don’t think she’s ever been this good. Turner gets a few laughs as a hypochondriac trophy wife, but mainly she just looks happy to be working. Hudson and Reid are perfectly cast as siblings and steal several scenes from their more mature counterparts. Reid is especially strong in a role that is a vast departure from her parts in "Urban Legend" and "Body Shots."

Gere brings charm and life to his role, which is a nice surprise. With the exception of his pairings with Julia Roberts, Gere has always seemed a rather sallow performer. He often mistakes inertia for intensity. Usually it takes Roberts to bring out any personality in the guy, but Gere does fine on his own this time out. There’s an ease to his work here that’s missing from a lot of his other roles. He has wonderful chemistry with everyone in the cast, except Farrah Fawcett — which may not be entirely his fault.

Farrah just doesn’t click with her character. There are no sparks when she’s onscreen. Her moments with Gere are awkward and grating. Farrah’s supposed to be suffering from some kind of mental disorder, but she just acts sleepy and spaced out — like she’s taken too much cold medication. Her performance only succeeds in reminding you of her infamous Letterman appearance.

Tara Reid is especially strong in a role that is a vast departure from her previous work.

Altman and screenwriter Anne Rapp ("Cookie’s Fortune") must have thought they were being clever by giving Farrah a rare affliction that only attacks rich, beautiful women who are adored by their spouses. Honestly, who cares? There are probably a few thousand women who wouldn’t mind having that problem in real life. You have no sympathy for the character. She’s mainly there as a plot device — a reason to drive Gere into Hunt’s arms.

The mishandling of Farrah’s character is symptomatic of the film’s other problems. While the actors do a good job, the characters themselves are not well drawn. Sully is supposed to be this great aficionado of women — not a lothario, but someone who truly loves and respects the female of the species. But we never really learn why he feels this way. He spouts a few sensitive guy chestnuts like "women are saints" and "all women are special," but that’s about it.

If the filmmakers are that glib with the main character, what does that bode for the rest of the cast? Thankfully, the appeal of the actors does a lot to over-ride these flaws. There are also enough funny moments to make the film worth watching. When we finally get to the daughter’s wedding, it’s the movie’s comic centerpiece. Let’s just say that Murphy’s Law is used to great effect.

This scene also liberates Gere’s character, setting us up for what we think is going to be a feel-good ending. Sully hops in his car and drives off to meet his destiny. Finally, the guy who’s been living for everybody else is putting his own happiness first. But Altman has other plans. Sully’s happiness is thwarted and he finds himself on the business end of a tornado.

The movie concludes in a bizarre fashion with Sully being transported ala Dorothy to a Mexican border town where he has to deliver a baby. I’m not making this up. Altman then serves up a childbirth scene better suited to The Learning Channel than the multiplex. Hold onto your popcorn, this bit is not for the squeamish.

Don’t ask me why the director felt he needed to take such a surreal path with the film’s ending. Altman has a history for being a cinematic maverick so maybe this weirdness was his way of thumbing his nose at the system. Or maybe some disgruntled crewmember spiked his Jello. The world will never know. If he really wanted to shake things up, then he should have hired Mr. T.