Guess you’re wondering why I haven’t posted any new reviews lately. Well, there’s a perfectly good explanation. I wrote a ton of new entries . . . covered all the new releases . . . some incredibly funny stuff . . . amazing insights into the film world . . . you would have loved it, but . . . well . . . my dog ate it.

Okay, that’s not entirely true. My dog didn’t eat the reviews. Like most of you, things have just been incredibly busy in my little section of the universe. It’s all I can do lately to remember to pay the bills and wear clean underwear. And I’m not entirely successful with either some days . . . perhaps that was an overshare. Sorry.

Now my recent negligence does not mean my dog is completely innocent. He may not have consumed any new reviews, but he did eat my DVD of "The Mexican." I’m still trying to figure out if that means he really likes DVDs or really hates that movie. The jury’s still out on that one, but don’t despair my fellow DVD hounds; I was able to replace the disk without incident. Seems "acts of dog" are covered under the exchange policy of many of your finer retail establishments.

So now the world has stopped spinning long enough for me to hammer out a few thoughts. Please don’t try e-mailing me about how behind the times I am with these reviews. I know the following movies are woefully out-of-date, but my sharp wit and pungent analysis are still incredibly of-the-moment regardless of the subject matter. Plus, I think these flicks deserve a mention even if they’re not the most current releases . . . so drop your mittens and hold onto your kittens, here we go . . .

STARRING: Colin Hanks, Jack Black, Schuyler Fisk, Catherine O’Hara, and Kevin Kline

You want to know why I saw this movie? Well, besides the fact that Jack Black just plain cracks me up, I went to this flick because I live in Orange County and the movie is named "Orange County." Of course, it takes place in Orange County, California and I live in Orange County, Florida, but how often do you get the chance to see a movie named after your home?

Look at it this way: if I lived in Paducah, KY, I’d probably never see that name grace a movie marquee. And aren’t our lives the poorer for it? So, you can see my reasoning when I went to the theater and saw that there was a flick with the same name as where I hang my hat. I bought my ticket without hesitation. I agree that it’s a pretty dumb reason to see a movie, but no dumber than the movie itself.

"Orange County" is like a Tinseltown family album. It stars Colin Hanks (son of Tom), and Schuyler Fisk, (daughter of Sissy Spacek) and is directed by Jake Kasdan (son of Lawrence Kasdan, director of "The Big Chill" and "Body Heat"). It’s like they cast this thing at a support group for children of famous movie folk.

There are plenty of extremely talented Hollywood scions, but a celluloid pedigree alone does not signify quality. To its credit, "Orange County" doesn’t try to skate by on these famous offspring. If nothing else, the star progeny inadvertently make this uninspired comedy more distinctive than it has any right to be.

Hanks and Fisk give off a youthful glow — all eager and fresh-faced — but they’re stuck in the same tired teen movie formula that studios have been cranking out since Freddie Prinze, Jr. thought she was all that and Julia Stiles thought up 1O Things I Hate About You. And this film doesn’t even have the luxury of being inspired by a classic work of literature, like those earlier flicks. In fact, "Orange County" doesn’t seem inspired by anything that happened before 1999.

Kasdan (who made the odd but promising "Zero Effect") clomps his way through the paint-by-numbers script by Mike White (who penned the creepily humorous "Chuck & Buck"). The director exhibits little flair — much of the movie’s look seems cribbed from other teen flicks — while the writer seems to be relying too heavily on the stereotypes he learned while scripting episodes of "Dawson’s Creek." There’s little originality in this story about a smart surfer dude (Hanks) and his attempts to escape his wacky family and static surroundings by getting into Stanford University.

What’s worth seeing in the movie comes courtesy of the cast. Hanks is appealing, even if he’s imitating his dad through half his scenes. It’ll be interesting to see if he can develop the chops necessary to survive in the biz. Jack Black ("High Fidelity") is reliably over-the-top as Hanks’ loser bro, spending most of the movie clad only in a pair of sagging, grungy tighty whities. As funny as I find Black, however, there’s still something incredibly lazy about his performance. Like his director and writer, he seems to be falling back on comfortable old tricks.

There’s also an endless string of cameos in the movie as if the filmmakers knew that they needed something to breathe life into their ho-hum invention. Lily Tomlin plays Hanks’ dim-witted guidance counselor, Catherine O’Hara and John Lithgow are his parents, Chevy Chase is his high school principal and Kevin Kline, the famous writer that inspires him. It’s unfortunate that these brief glimpses of star power are more entertaining than most of the movie.

Here’s a note to Little Kasdan, Junior Hanks, and Sissy’s Baby Girl: better luck next time. I hope you grow up to deserve your careers.

STARRING: Elijah Wood, Ian McKellan, Viggo Mortenson and Sean Astin

The philistine strikes again. Here’s me going to see another greatly anticipated adaptation of a beloved book without ever reading the source material. I really tried with this one, even going so far as purchasing the book months in advance so I’d be prepared. Unfortunately, I got distracted by the fall preview issue of "TV Guide." Boy, that "UC:Undercover" sure did look promising. Who knew?

Unlike my previous experience with celebrated literary works transformed into hit movies, I really enjoyed "The Fellowship of the Ring." Moviegoers get assaulted with "epic" movies, but rarely does one really live up to the moniker. Usually, calling a movie an epic means that it’s based on a historical topic and runs over three hours. While "Fellowship" does have a lengthy running time, it truly qualifies as momentous storytelling.

This film transports you to a marvelous world of new sights and sounds. You get completely immersed in the landscape of Middle Earth and the adventures of Hobbit Frodo (Elijah Wood from "The Faculty"), Wizard Gandalf (Ian McKellan from "X-Men"), Warrior Aragorn (Viggo Mortenson from "G.I. Jane") and their friends. If I had to describe a comparable cinematic experience, I’d have to say it was reminiscent to the first time I saw "Star Wars." Like George Lucas, Director Peter Jackson is a visionary.

He also succeeds where Lucas failed. Jackson not only crafted a rousing fantasy tale, but also guided his cast to great performances. Now, before you get all pissy with me about dissing Lucas, let’s have some perspective. Yes, Harrison Ford and Alec Guinness were good in "Star Wars," but can you honestly tell me that Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher delivered stellar work?

The "Star Wars" trilogy changed my life — they’re great flicks — but I hardly call them a showcase for dramatic muscle. Meanwhile, "Fellowship" boasts acting that is remarkable for a film of any genre. The entire cast is strong — especially McKellan, who is riveting to watch. Mortenson also gives a star-making effort, reminding me of Harrison Ford’s Han Solo in some key moments.

Even if you’re not a fantasy fan, I urge you to check this flick out. The images will remind you why we go to the movies in the first place. This spectacle was tailor made for the big screen. My only complaint is everything ended too soon. You’re left wanting more. Good thing the sequel is only a year away.

Filmboy Recommends: Star Wars

STARRING: Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly, Paul Bettany and Ed Harris

I’m as surprised as anyone that I enjoyed this movie. I was expecting a big sanctimonious pile of pretentious self-importance. After all, it was Russell Crowe’s first movie after winning the Best Actor Oscar — usually when winners start believing their hype and do a big ACTOR movie (see Kevin Spacey in "Pay It Forward"). It was also Director Ron Howard’s attempt to be taken seriously after the empty "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas." I didn’t have high hopes and to be honest, the only reason I went to the movie was because I had free tickets.

Darn it if those little buggers didn’t surprise me.

"A Beautiful Mind" is an engrossing movie and a tour-de-force by Russell Crowe. I liked him in "Gladiator," but didn’t really think his acting was award-worthy. His performance as John Forbes Nash, Jr., however, merits major recognition. The supporting cast, which includes Jennifer Connelly ("Requiem for a Dream") and Ed Harris ("Pollock"), is solid — but Crowe rules this flick.

Director Howard has my attention again after losing it with mediocre pap like "Grinch" and "EdTV." He’s back on track with this drama, which follows Nash’s journey from brilliant grad student to celebrated mathematician to shattered victim of schizophrenia and his long, slow struggle to rebuild his life. Howard’s steady hand and emotional restraint combined with Crowe’s powerhouse acting elevate what could have easily melted into some cheesy, queasy "disease of the week" casserole.

There’s also an extremely satisfying plot twist, which makes this flick deserving if for the other reason than it’s fun to be surprised by a movie. It doesn’t happen often enough these days.

STARRING: Tom Cruise, Penelope Cruz, Cameron Diaz, and Jason Lee

I love Cameron Crowe’s earlier movies, but I’m a little stymied by his latest effort. He is a talented writer/director with a gift for dialogue and an eye for casting. A filmmaker who can craft emotional moments without being sappy and select the ideal music that can make a scene transcendent. I think the guy is pretty freakin’ cool so you can imagine how painful it was for me to sit through the murky soup that is "Vanilla Sky."

I don’t know what Crowe was thinking. Maybe he was full of artistic hubris after winning his screenplay Oscar last year for "Almost Famous." Maybe he wanted to grow as a filmmaker and tackle a challenging subject. Maybe somebody spiked his Kool Aid. One thing I do know for sure:

Cameron Crowe should stick to making happy fun movies.

Crowe re-teamed with Tom Cruise, his "Jerry Maguire" buddy, to make this psychedelic dramatic thriller, a remake of the Spanish hit, "Obre Los Ojos." Cruise plays a charming playboy living the good life until he spurns his gorgeous — but unstable — gal pal, played by Cameron Diaz ("Charlie’s Angels"). She tries to kill both of them in a car accident, but only succeeds in killing herself and mangling him.

Reduced to someone resembling Quasimodo’s better-looking cousin, Cruise now has to start over from scratch. With the help of his best friend (Jason Lee from "Chasing Amy" and "Almost Famous") and a new lady friend (Penelope Cruz, who played a similar role in the original film), Cruise has to construct a life that doesn’t depend on good looks and charm. Thankfully, he still has a ton of money, but maybe not for long since his company’s board is plotting to steal the business away from him.

Everything might still be okay because there’s this experimental plastic surgery that could restore his handsome features . . . if he can avoid that nasty business of being charged with a murder . . .and elude his crazy girlfriend who might not really be dead . . . and deal with his new girlfriend running around with his best buddy . . . and hey, what’s up with that odd guy in the white suit?

This movie is weird. This movie is confusing. This movie is not worth seeing.

Okay, I take that back. There is one reason to see this flick. Cameron Diaz gives a wonderfully sexy and scary turn as Cruise’s loopy bedmate. I’ve always thought Diaz was pretty, but she’s got some balls-out sex appeal in this flick. Plus, she convincingly jumps from one emotion to the next like a hottie bipolar jackrabbit. Without a doubt, Diaz gives the best performance here, blowing everyone else off the screen — especially the annoying Penelope Cruz. Can someone please tell Ms. Cruz that her pizza is ready so she can pick it up and go home already?

Had the movie not taken a turn for the bizarre about halfway through, it could have been a fascinating tale about a shallow guy forced to look beyond the superficial and find his true value as a human being. I would have been interested in that movie. That would have been a movie that Cameron Crowe could have done well. Unfortunately, that’s not the movie he made.

Crowe and Cruise attempted to take us through the looking glass, but they trapped us somewhere inside. Then when things got really weird, they threw together a pat finale to explain everything. The audience is supposed to be blown away by this amazing twist, but to me, it was a bit of a cop out. Like they didn’t know how to properly finish the movie so they just slapped on this thing. "It doesn’t have to make sense," they might have said. "It’s a twist."

This movie’s conclusion reminded me of stories I wrote in high school. I’d come up with these quirky morality plays with big twist endings. But since I hadn’t developed enough skill to effectively complete them, my little mind games always rang false. I’d hope that people as talented as those involved with "Vanilla Sky" could come up with something better than something I did when I was 17.

Cameron Crowe, I admire you for trying something new, but please get started on a nice, sensible comedy while you can still get work. I’m sure John Cusack is free.

I promise to be back with something less than a month old next time. Stay cool . . . stay cool forever.