STARRING: Wesley Snipes, Michael Biehn, Marie Matiko, Anne Archer and Maury Chaykin

Canadians can’t make good action movies. Nothing against the denizens of the Great White North, but I just don’t think they have it in them. Do you know any great Canadian action directors? Someone to rival James Cameron? I can’t think of any offhand. The best I can do is Norman Jewison ("The Hurricane").

You could argue that Jewison’s "Rollerball" is an action film, but honestly, how thrilling is it to watch James Caan skate? He also directed "Moonstruck," which is a great movie, but I don’t think Cher slapping Nicolas Cage qualifies as a fight scene. Canadians are a fine people. Our proud neighbors to the north. And while they’ve produced a few decent comedies, a couple satisfying dramas, I don’t think there’s an action gene in the Canadian creative chromosome. [See "The Way of the Gun" for more of Jeff's theories on Canada.]

Biehn attacks his scenes with gusto, but someone needs to explain to him the difference between desperation and enthusiasm.

I offer "The Art of War" — the latest from Wesley Snipes — as further proof. Director Christian Duguay ("Screamers"), producer Nicolas Clermont ("Eye of the Beholder") and much of the talent behind the scenes are Canadian. The movie’s supposed to be a taut, fast-paced conspiracy thriller. It’s actually a big dumb movie. A big, dumb, SLOW movie. The plot is slight. The characters thin. The fight scenes derivative and mundane. I actually contemplated nodding off in a few places. That’s not a good thing.

Now certainly Americans have made their share of bad action movies. Anything starring Steven Seagal immediately leaps to mind. But this flick is so amateurish — the action sequences so mishandled — that you have to wonder if it’s because the filmmakers are from a country inexperienced with the genre. If Snipes were fighting an enraged moose or a rabid beaver, then maybe this group could go the distance. Unfortunately, he’s facing off against Chinese gangsters and paramilitary types. This movie needed John Woo. It got Bob and Doug MacKenzie.

Duguay’s style is an awkward blend of Ridley Scott ("Blade Runner") and John Woo ("The Killer"). There’s a lot of neon, smoke and wet streets to give everything "atmosphere." Meanwhile, his fight scenes have a lot of people sliding on the ground with empty ammo clips popping out of their guns. Duguay also blatantly rips off the "bullet time" sequence from "The Matrix" in one climactic scene. All the director accomplishes with this visual plagiarism is to remind us of better movies.

The script by Wayne Beach ("Murder at 1600") and Simon Davis Barry is riddled with clichés and has a plot that’s eerily similar to "U.S. Marshals," another Wesley Snipes movie. In this one, Snipes is Neil Shaw, a covert operative for the U.N., who is blamed for the assassination of the Chinese ambassador. Shaw eludes the police and finds himself on the run from the Chinese mafia, some shady government types and Maury Chaykin ("Mystery, Alaska"), playing a coffee-swilling FBI agent.

Shaw must stop the real killers before they sabotage a crucial summit meeting between the U.N. and China. He enlists the help of interpreter Julia Fang (Marie Matiko from "The Corruptor"), an eyewitness who can clear his name, and away they go. Shaw stays one step ahead of his enemies while trying to figure out the motive behind the ambassador’s murder. He soon discovers that he’s a pawn in a vast conspiracy and all is not what it seems.

"The Art of War" is a fine example of cookie-cutter filmmaking. Take a brave hero, a beautiful but reluctant heroine, add in the prerequisite bad guys, a little mystery and then a healthy dollop of fights, car chases and explosions. Throw in a visit to a strip joint just to spice things up a bit and you’re ready for opening weekend. There’s nothing here that you haven’t seen before in a hundred other movies. The title refers to an ancient Asian tome on military strategy. The writers force a few characters to quote verses from it just so people will get the connection.

Everyone in the cast seems to be giving it the old college try, except for Sutherland who seems to be killing time until his paycheck clears.

Snipes is a good actor with power and charisma, but he’s trapped in a two-dimensional role. It’s unfortunate because he’s an extremely versatile entertainer who can do so much more than what this film demands. He has a career that’s seen him play everything from drug dealers to transvestites. Plus, Snipes gets snaps for being from my hometown of Orlando.

He’s done a lot of action movies lately and these parts are a natural for him. Snipes is an accomplished martial artist in real life so he approaches fight scenes with a grace uncommon in most actors. These flicks, however, are usually high on testosterone and low on intelligence. "The Art of War" is just par for the course.

The last decent Wesley Snipes movie was probably "Blade" and even that one had some serious flaws. Most of Snipes’ characters are identical in these films. We never learn much about them, except that they know how to cause some serious damage. The movies are always just a set-up for Wesley to take care of business. Something happens to someone he cares about ("Drop Zone") or he gets trapped in an extreme situation ("Passenger 57"). It’s the same story here. Since we don’t get to know his character very well, we don’t really care what happens to him.

I’d like to see a movie that could combine Snipes’ physical prowess with his acting chops like Harrison Ford did in "Raiders of the Lost Ark." That role is probably out there, but it’s definitely not in this movie. Snipes needs to do more for two hours than just kick people in the throat. This problem isn’t just limited to his character either. The supporting cast is pretty good, but they’re left out to dry by a lame script and weak direction.

I'd like to see a movie that could combine Snipes' physical prowess with his acting chops like Harrison Ford did in "Raiders of the Lost Ark." That role is probably out there, but it's definitely not in this movie.

Matiko has a sweet sex appeal as Julia, but she’s mainly here so Snipes has someone to rescue. Donald Sutherland ("Space Cowboys") phones in his performance as the U.N. Secretary General while Anne Archer — taking a break from her usual role as the concerned wife (check out "Patriot Games" or "Fatal Attraction") — plays Shaw’s cunning boss. The cast is rounded out by Chaykin, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa ("John Carpenter’s Vampires") as a Chinese industrialist and Michael Biehn ("Aliens") as Shaw’s partner. Everyone seems to be giving it the old college try — except for Sutherland who seems to be killing time until his paycheck clears — but they don’t have anything interesting to say or do.

Biehn is particularly lost in his role. The image of this forty-something guy trying to look hip in a stocking cap and earring is just plain embarrassing. It’s like watching your dad go through a mid-life crisis. Biehn was a promising performer about 15 years ago after strong work in "The Terminator" and "Aliens," but he took a wrong turn somewhere around "Tombstone." Now he just looks past his prime — a once hopeful leading man relegated to supporting status. Biehn attacks his scenes with gusto, but someone needs to explain to him the difference between desperation and enthusiasm. I hope he didn’t chip a tooth chewing all that scenery.

You could do a lot worse than "The Art of War." This movie is definitely more fun than a repeat viewing of some super-8 films my Uncle Leon shot during a fishing trip in 1978. Beyond that, you’re better off getting in line to see "X-Men" again. If you’re a fan of Snipes’ work, go rent "U.S. Marshals." It’s almost the same movie anyway.

Pay to see "The Art of War" and you’ll leave the theater frustrated and disoriented. You won’t be flummoxed by the film’s pseudo-labyrinthine storyline, but wondering why you blew $7.50 on this crap. If that happens, do what I did.

Blame Canada.