Okay, it’s 2001 and we’re not all wearing silver jumpsuits and living on the moon. What gives? Back in 1968, Stanley Kubrick and Arthur C. Clarke speculated we would have sentient computers and manned voyages to Jupiter by now. But here we are in the future and things are pretty much the same. No HAL 9000 trying to kill us. No strange black monoliths. No Keir Dullea morphing into some freaky space baby.

Even if "2001: A Space Odyssey" isn’t quite the crystal ball that some would have hoped, it was still relevant enough to be broadcast all over cable TV on New Year’s Day. You’ve got to love the genius that came up with that one. Wonder what could have been the inspiration for showing "2001" on the first day of 2001?

We may never know.

A new year usually has everyone looking to the future and more than a few checking out the past. Every publication and TV show is reminding us of the biggest newsmakers of 2000. Critics are compiling lists of what movies, books and TV shows were the best and the worst of the past 12 months. I thought about doing my own "year in review" list, but really, who cares?

Everyone is recapping the highs and lows of 2K cinema, but why not take the road less traveled? Is anyone discussing those movies that fell somewhere in between? Movies that weren’t great, but didn’t suck either? No? Well, get comfortable then because we’re off on an exploration of the average.

The following are my picks for those movies in 2000 that were just . . . okay. No classics. No bombs. Just a few flicks that were nothing more than a fun way to pass the time. Consider them fodder for a weekend when you’re just so braindead from work/school/life that you need to zone out for awhile.

So without further adieu (and in no particular order), the most mediocre movies of the past year:

1. Scream 3

An intense opening, some creepy moments, but overall, a bland conclusion to this comic horror trilogy. The movie falters without original screenwriter Kevin Williamson. There’s no zing in the dialogue and most of the characters are far from memorable. The cast is nondescript, except for the always-wonderful Parker Posey (why didn’t she have more scenes!). This flick desperately needed the vivaciousness of the original’s Matthew Lillard and Rose McGowan. The scariest thing in this horror movie is Courtney Cox Arquette. She looks like Calista Flockhart in a bad wig. Somebody give that girl a sandwich. Read the original Filmboy review of this film!

2. U-571

Director Jonathan Mostow has crafted an old-fashioned WW II sub movie. He’s so faithful to the genre that you’ll swear he’s crossing off a checklist. Untried captain pushed into command before he’s ready? Check. Valiant crew trapped behind enemy lines? Check. Gruff, but lovable, veteran sailor to deliver sage advice? Check. Even so, the film is still a fun ride. Delivers the thrills as well as creating a decent sense of claustrophobia in the sub scenes. Great viewing for Memorial Day Weekend.

3. The Virgin Suicides

A luminescent Kirsten Dunst leads an able cast in this ode to 1970’s suburbia and teenage angst. First-time director Sofia Coppola has immersed her film in a dreamlike aura, which is suitable for telling a story about neighborhood boys obsessed with the gorgeous sisters next door. Unfortunately, nostalgia doesn’t gel well with the dark subject of teen suicide. The victims aren’t given much of a motive beyond the fact that they have strict parents so the ending seems a bit overwrought.

4. Shanghai Noon

I know my fellow Stomp Tokyoans thought this flick rocked, but it just didn’t do it for me. However, the film does have its moments. Jackie Chan’s stunt work is amazing and Owen Wilson steals the show as a bumbling desperado. But the story is slim, the direction almost nonexistent and the western setting just an excuse to watch Jackie beat up cowboys. Take away the fight scenes and Wilson’s mugging and all you have is a bunch of stale gags.

5. Bring It On

Kirsten Dunst (again!) plays the captain of a suburban high school cheerleading squad who learns that their award-winning routines were stolen from a rival squad. Her efforts to teach her crew new cheers in time for the big competition are kicky fun. An appealing cast, including Eliza Dushku (Faith from "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer"), serves up the best teen comedy since "American Pie." This movie’s not brain surgery, but it does have a lot of babes in short skirts. Hey, I’m only human.

6. Remember the Titans

Denzel Washington and Will Patton are very good in this film about football, friendship and racial harmony. Unfortunately, this story of a newly integrated Virginia high school football team in the early seventies is also a tad predictable and a little preachy. Director Boaz Yakin ("A Price Above Rubies") relies too heavily on vintage Motown tunes to move us instead of focusing on the performances and the story. Do we really need another movie that equates bonding with a sing-a-long to "Ain’t No Mountain High Enough"? The "feel good" ending will make you smile, but there are few surprises.

7. Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Jim Carrey’s transformation into the Grinch is fantastic and the production design is superb, but overall, this film doesn’t do justice to the original Dr. Seuss classic. Anthony Hopkins’ wonderful narration still can’t hold a candle to Boris Karloff and Thurl Ravenscroft crooning "You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" is sorely missed. Carrey is definitely worth watching, but an inflated storyline with a cloying and sentimental finale makes you long for the Chuck Jones cartoon. The movie seems more like a commercial for the Seuss Landing section of Universal’s Islands of Adventure theme park than warm holiday viewing.

8. Gone in 60 Seconds

This bombastic Nicolas Cage vehicle from the Jerry Bruckheimer dream factory is dumb fun. Cars go really, really fast. Angelina Jolie’s lips get really, really big. There’s no story, some hammy performances and the silliest villain since John Travolta in "Battlefield Earth," but damn, I had a good time watching it. A guilty pleasure. Read the original Filmboy review of this film!

9. Hollow Man

Kevin Bacon turns invisible in the latest from director Paul Verhoeven. The movie is visually stunning, but also misogynistic and a bit mean. See it for the special effects, but try to overlook the slight story and bad acting — even from the always-dependable Bacon. When you’re watching the film, keep in mind that Bacon is present onscreen when his character is invisible. He was digitally erased in post-production, which required him to wear heavy make-up and costumes during filming. You’ll ultimately wonder if his suffering was worth the trouble, but check it out anyway to see how far movie magic has come since the Invisible Man films of the thirties.

10. Reindeer Games

Ben Affleck is forced by sleazy Gary Sinise to rob a backwater casino on Christmas Eve. This movie has a great premise and some fun twists, but is sunk by hackwork direction and a star that’s in over his head. Director John Frankenheimer gives this flick all the visual style of a corporate training film while the usually winning Ben Affleck is miscast as the hero. Despite these problems, supporting players Sinise and sexy Charlize Theron will keep your interest. And I love that title! Read the original Filmboy review of this film!

Well, there you go. My thoughts on the movies last year that made you go "ehhh" instead of "ahhhh" or "ugh." Now, you may disagree with my choices. Maybe you think some of these movies are under-appreciated genius or maybe you’d rather eat dirt than see them again. I’m just sharing my humble opinion. I liked some of these flicks more than others, but for the most part, I felt they were all pretty middle-of-the-road. But being mediocre isn’t always a bad thing.

There can be something very soothing in the predictability of an average film. Because sometimes you don’t want surprises. You don’t want to be challenged. You want to sit on your couch and just . . . be. These movies can help you achieve that Zen-like state. They are the cinematic equivalent of comfort food. The tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwich of moviedom. Nothing too fancy, but something nice to have on a rainy day.

I’ll be back soon with reviews of 2001’s offerings. Watch this space for my selections of the most mediocre movies of the year ahead. Until next time . . . keep your feet on the ground and out of my yard.