Worldwide Health and Beauty Discoveries

review by Scott Hamilton and Chris Holland

a particularly twisted part of the "Pretty Mad Scientists" B-Masters roundtable

Last Man on Planet Earth

Worldwide Health and Beauty Discoveries

Part 2

Denise "Freddy" Krueger then has a roundtable discussion with a bunch of women about the various problems they've had with other hair removal methods over large, frosty glasses of beer. Thus liquored up, they feel free to talk about that most embarrassing of problems — unwanted hair. Frankly, the overall impression we took away is that these women are total feebs, especially the woman who nearly killed herself while shaving her legs. If you can't successfully guide a razor over your legs without causing near fatal bleeding, you don't deserve a husband.

Next up we get the pitch, complete with the offer to double our tub of Nads if we call in the next half hour. There is also a woman who says, by way of an endoresement, "It's so extraordinary to me to find a product that, you say it's going to do something, and that's exactly what it does." This is a good point. How often have you bought some product, only to find out it doesn't do what it is supposed to? How many times have you bought ketchup that doesn't catch anything, carpet cleaner that seems better suited for killing roaches, or a hammer that isn't made of ham at all? The other night we rented a Pauly Shore "comedy" that wasn't even funny. So obviously product honesty is a major reason to buy Nads, even if its only real promise is to make us laugh like ninnies every time we type the word "Nads."

No infomercial would be complete without testimonials, and we get a classic segment in Worldwide Health and Beauty Discoveries. Two women attest to the fact that Nads changed their lives.

Woman 1: "I come out of the bathroom. 'You have Nads?'"

Woman 2: "Yes!"

Woman 1: "We had a girl's night -- with Nads!"

These women also reveal their discovery of the Nads web site, which is -- you guessed it -- Exactly how they wrested this domain name from the pornographers who must surely have owned it prior to the product's introduction is not disclosed. We suspect that the company must have offered large quantities of Nads in return.!

After this uncomfortable revelation, we get:

Woman 2: "I could go out of the house immediately after using Nads — which is great."

Insert your own joke here, we're laughing too hard.

The fact that Australia has finally discovered Nads is very significant. Up until now, there have been very few Australians. Look at the size of the contintent they're on. Yet the entire population isn't large enough to provide all the extras for a Mad Max film. Sure, part of Australia is now uninhabitable due the presence of Jeff Probst and a CBS camera crew taping the next Survivor series, but they have plenty of room to fill out. The only reason we can think of that there aren't more Australians is that until now they have had trouble finding their Nads. That and the high infant mortality rate from dingo attacks. But now that they have found their Nads, the Australian population is sure to explode. So expect to see reviews of all the films of Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious here in the near future. Australians and their Nads are unstoppable!!!
Notice the unusual placement of the Nads on this woman!

Review date: 11/11/2000

This review is © copyright 2000 Chris Holland & Scott Hamilton. Blah blah blah. Please don't claim that it's yours blah blah, but feel free to e-mail it to friends, or better yet, send them the URL. To reproduce this review in another form, please contact us at Blah blah blah blah. LAVA® , LAVA LITE® and the motion lamp configuration are registered trademarks of Haggerty Enterprises, Inc., Chicago, IL