- Link-bait articles with SEO-optimized titles like “6 things about the internet that make me want to stop using it.”
- That goddam Facebook “like” button popping up everywhere. Please stick it up your ass.
- Anything that mentions Apple or the iPhone. Buy one or don’t buy one, and then shut the hell up. I’m even tired of hearing myself talk about it. I promise to stop.
- Your passion about what is either the greatest movie you’ve seen in the last five minutes or is an overrated piece of garbage. (Cough cough Dogtooth ahherrrm Trash Humpers garble Inception cough!)
- Kickstarter campaigns.
- Social media “tips.” No one knows a damn thing about how this all works, so stop pretending.
Please now feel free to argue about what things I left off the list, or whether number three should have been number one. I dare you.
If you don’t want an iPhone 4
Don’t buy it
If you bought one and you don’t like it
Bring it back
Bring it back bring it back
This opened today’s iPhone 4 antenna press conference. Pretty funny stuff. I don’t have an iPhone 4 yet, but all this silly coverage hasn’t changed my intention to get one eventually.
From Douglas Adams 1999 article “How to Stop Worrying and Learn to Love the Internet”
1) everything that’s already in the world when you’re born is just normal;
2) anything that gets invented between then and before you turn thirty is incredibly exciting and creative and with any luck you can make a career out of it;
3) anything that gets invented after you’re thirty is against the natural order of things and the beginning of the end of civilisation as we know it until it’s been around for about ten years when it gradually turns out to be alright really.
Apply this list to movies, rock music, word processors and mobile phones to work out how old you are.
The latest travesty in chamber of commerce videos: take one of the worst songs of the ’80s and throw at it the following: TV news anchors, cheerleaders, and local athletes. Can’t fail!