The Bad Movie Report

Making A Bad Movie:
My Personal Nightmare


The Writer's Vision II

Playing catch-up with the story: Our heroes, Marc and Reggie, have managed to weave a web of circumstantial evidence against the realtor, Parker Nash - a history of massacres (much like the ones they've survived) going back almost 65 years. Research has revealed a pattern to the seemingly random murders, allowing them to predict when and where the next one will occur; all they have to do is give Nash a target he can't pass up. Marc's sympathetic doctor and her father rent a secluded cabin from the villain during the appropriate time.

Marc and Reggie sit back to back in the main room this cabin, shotguns across their laps; this is what they have been training themselves for the last year. The night wears on.


A small digital clock reads 5:12. Marc is beginning to nod off. He sits suddenly erect. There is a SCRABBLING SOUND in the chimney. Small bits of debris are falling into the fireplace.

Marc aims the shotgun at the fireplace.

The spider-beastie, still burned and mutilated, crawls down the chimney.

If you've been reading all along, you'll remember the modular middle story that was removed for time considerations; the spider-beastie was from that. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Marc pulls the trigger. The firing pin clicks on an empty chamber. The spider leaps for him...

Marc awakens suddenly as Reggie shakes his shoulder.



Marc! Marc, wake up!


(regaining his composure)




There's something in the bedroom.

Silently, they walk toward the bedroom door. Reggie carries a high-intensity lamp along with her shotgun.


Okay. Just like in rehearsals. GO!


Reggie and Marc burst through the door. Reggie slams the lamp down on the floor and snaps into her firing position. They both freeze.

Revealed in the light is an ancient, rotted shambling corpse. An open wound across its abdomen reveals maggots crawling in its entrails. The eyes are gone, gouged out.

Remember, this was the first time I had wanted us to see Alfie, the zombie. Marc, of course, had taken care of the eyes; the wound in the abdomen was how Reggie got away.

Everything is still for a moment. The the zombie takes a step toward them...

Incredibly fast cuts of the shotguns firing over and over again; Shells fly through the air. The pump action continues until the guns click on empties.

The zombie hits the floor, hard, and lies still. Marc and Reggie stand in the gunsmoke haze for a moment; all is quiet.


That's it? That's all there is to it?


We got it. We actually got it.

They walk cautiously toward the still form of the zombie. Suddenly, the zombie makes a grab for them! Marc brings the shotgun down on its head, shattering the stock and knocking the zombie back down. Marc and Reggie head back out the door, tout de suite.


Marc and Reggie slam the door shut behind them. Reggie jams a door under the knob. The zombie starts smashing against the door.

Marc spies a pair of battle axes crossed over the fireplace. He runs to them.

The chair under the door begins to give way.

Reggie is feverishly reloading her shotgun.

Marc grabs one of the battleaxes and yanks; it's a display secured to the wall by u-bolts - it won't come down.

The chair under the doorknob begins to splinter.

Reggie fumbles, dropping shells.

Marc forms a circle with his thumb and forefinger, concentrating.

Sorry, another brief interruption here; one of the excised scenes is Marc and Reggie training in tae kwan do - well, it was karate in the film - and the finger-circle is an exercise to focus your chi - your inner strength.

A great calm comes over Marc's face. He reaches up and effortlessly rips the axe off the wall.

Reggie snaps shut the action of the shotgun, aiming it at the door, as....

The smashing stops.


SUDDENLY, the zombie crashes through a window behind Reggie. It backhands her across the room - she hits a wall and lies still. The zombie starts toward her...

...Only to find its way blocked by Marc. Marc advances, slashing with the axe, forcing it away from her. Surprisingly fast, the zombie ducks and weaves, avoiding the blade. One final duck, and the axe plows into a chair, wedging there.

The zombie knocks Marc away from the axe. Marc hits the floor, and then it is upon him, bony hands around his throat, strangling him. Marc claws for its eyes, but they're gone. He brings both fists up, into its temples. BONES CRACK. The Zombie begins to laugh at him, a deep, guttural sound. Marc would scream, but he can't breathe.

THEN, looming behind the zombie, is Reggie - with the axe. The axe comes around in an arc, chopping off the back of the zombie's head. Brains and black slime fly everywhere, especially across Marc's face.

The impact of the blow knocks the zombie off Marc and the axe out of Reggie's hands. Marc scrambles, grabs the axe and rears it back, like he's about to chop the biggest damn piece of wood in the world. He smashes the axe down, into the zombie's face, nailing it to the floor. The zombie stiffens, then lies still.

Marc crawls away from it. Reggie joins him. Both sit on the floor, holding each other, having a good case of the shakes.

The zombie's hand clenches. Reggie gasps.


Easy, easy. That's a spasm... corpses have them all the time.


Even one that's been dead as long as this one?

As if in response, the zombie grabs the axe and pulls it from his face. Marc an Reggie scramble to their feet.



He smashes a chair across the zombie, who goes down.

Reggie grabs a poker from the fireplace and plunges it into the zombie's chest. The thing spasms and clutches at the poker, screaming. Marc kicks its hands away and literally stand on them.


Get a log!





Reggie grabs a log from the fireplace. Marc struggles to keep the zombie down as it struggles. Marc points the poker.



Reggie hammers on the poker. The zombie groans, stiffening with each blow.


Stake in the heart, hah? Don't like it, do ya?

The handle of the poker splits. The zombie is still, black ichor flowing from its burst heart.

Marc staggers back. Reggie tosses the log aside. They look at the now even more messed up zombie.


Guess we should've thought of that in the first place, huh?


(a short, tired laugh)

Let's get the hell out of here.

Well, no, of course it isn't dead. But after this, for better or worse, the film hews fairly close to the original script. Join us next month as we go over what is... or more appropriately, isn't... actually in the filmed version of this scene.


The Movie Version II