The Bad Movie Report

It is with great pleasure that we once again present Ask Maggot. Mr. Maggot possesses a Ph.D in Interpersonal Communications and has been a guest on The Oprah Winfrey Show and Temptation Island. When he is not busy terrorizing the prisoners in Commander Shades' Dismal Dungeon of Terror, he enjoys teaching origami and attempting to invent a way to kill people using only orange juice. He may currently be seen as Osric in Hamlet, now playing at the Leary Street Trough'n'Brew Dinner Theatre.

In the stomptokyo CD-ROM game, is it possible to get Dr.Freex from the Pit of Despair to the Kingdom of Lollipops without having to fight the guardian troll to procure the Wart Talisman to bribe the Gate Keeper to allow you into the tavern?
- Molotov


I got this girl into trouble...... and she expects me to do the right thing! My feeling is that she got drunk and went to far so it is not my fault. So tell me should I be the nice guy and replace the rental dvd that she saids she left at my place which I searched for or tell that it is her problem. snicker snacks down by the railroad tracks

Caught your show at the Bellagio in Vegas earlier this spring. Man, no one can sing Send in the Clowns the way you do. Brings a tear to my eye everytime. Hope you've healed up from the accident involving the ring of fire, dang I thought you were going to make it. Anyway my question is this do you think Evil Kneivel could kick Johnny Knoxville's ass?
- Chad

Why is gasoline not for human consumption? Signed- Octane Breath, aka, the Hong Kong Cavalier

My friend and I work for a retail delivery firm that works only one night per year. We've been trying to tell the boss that this system is inefficient and does little to keep our company in the public's mind all year 'round. Besides, we get tired of carrying this guy everywhere we go. What can we do? Sincerely, "Rudy" and "Donny"

discuss the effect of inventions such as the seed drill and the impact of enclosure upon British agriculture in the 1700's. Yours, Unable to write his history assignment

My boyfriend Scott, who is perfect and wonderful in every way, has a strange fondness for large Godzilla models, the bigger the better. I can't possibly imagine why. Anyhow, we're planning to live together soon, and he insists his future happiness depends on acquiring a 16-inch Godzilla. Not only does he want to own this monstrosity, but also he wants to display it in the living room for everyone to see. It's more than I can bear. He also has hundreds of Gundam figures, innumerable action figures, many still in thier packages, and a stuffed animal called a Chthulu, which is something I don't even want to contemplate. How can I pursuade him not to turn our apartment into Nick Cave meets Toys R Us? - The Injustice of it All

When my ass itches, but I don’t scratch it and wait ten minutes… and the itching is gone… who scratched me ?!? Mfg -Manuel

Crud, I forgot what I was going to ask. What was I going to ask you? - CJMcWaffle

Generally speaking what do women look for most in a man: looks or personality? Also, what's your favourite kind of hat? Mine's a fedora. - k2pa6

Why isn't Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, dead yet? He sees a deadly animal and his first impulse is to pick it up. I know he's been doing it for a while because, every now and then, they cut to a clip of him in a mullet. -John in Jersey

I've got two questions. First, what the heck is that brown stuff on the outside of an ice cream sandwich? It sticks to you like an industrial strength adhesive! Second, why don't more men appreciate a girl who loves cheezy horror movies? I think thoroughly enjoying a film with bad zombie make-up effects is a damn sexy trait! ~Nicole


If you have an all-consuming question concerning the universe around you, and don't mind having your questions answered by a brutish fashion-challenged homicidal maniac, be sure to Ask Maggot!

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