Long ago, a wise man uttered the sage words: "Parts is parts."
This revelation, for the most part, still rings true to this day.
A foot is a foot. It is most commonly used for such mundane activities as walking, standing, kicking, and things of that nature.
A hand is a hand. It is most commonly used for such mundane activities as waving, pointing, grabbing, and hitting the mute button when Kathie Lee Gifford comes on.
But as with almost everything we understand as a Universal Truth, there is always that one glaring exception.
Have you ever been in bed with your significant other, pulled back the blanket, and discovered that your lover has a sixth toe? Maybe a superfluous third nipple? Perhaps they redefine the term „outie;š or have arm hair like a sasquatch?
Have you ever been dining at your favorite fast food chain, eating some variation of the popular chicken strip, and just as you bite into the usually succulent poultry treat, your teeth comes across a foreign object? Something never encountered before: a piece of cartilage; a mysterious dark spot; perhaps a vein or two?
Ok, now I‚m reaching a bit.
But be it human, chicken or otherwise, the body is, beyond the shadow of a doubt, a strange device. And being undeniably drawn to the bizarre, The B-Masters‚ Cabal addresses this enigma with the following roundtable:
|The Bad Movie Report||Beast With Five Fingers||The distraught Hillary finds Conrad and reveals he has caught the hand. When Conrad searches the desk and finds nothing, he begins to seriously doubt Hillary's sanity (What? Just now? he's Peter Lorre, for gosh sake!). Once Hillary is alone again, however, books begin to fall from a shelf. The hand is behind the tomes, scampering about like a massive spider. Hillary once again grabs the hand, and opens another drawer, which contains a hammer and some nails...|
|B-Notes||The Frozen Dead||Later, Jean tells Dr. Norberg that Elsa's missing. He tells her that Karl took her to the train station. Oh, and she left this note. He passes it to Jean. The note reads, "Dear Jean, I now am in london now, und not decapitated in der basement. If they find me decapitated later, it vasn't Karl, because he's a real nice guy. You should go out with him. Regards, Kar - er - Elsa." Nah, just kidding. It says she went to London and will call after she gets there.|
|Badmovies.org||Soul Vengeance||... 70s vinyl couches are an icky thing to feel under your naked body. They make some disgusting squeaking and creaking too, just in case you want to offend the entire range of senses.|
|Cold Fusion Video Reviews||Chatterbox||The possessor of this miraculous organ is a hairdresser named Penny, played by Candice Rialson. Candice was last seen around these parts in Candy Stripe Nurses (1974), playing a young self-assured fox who takes off her clothes a lot. Here, for a change of pace, she plays an unsure and not particularly bright fox who takes her clothes a lot.|
|Jabootu's Bad Movie Dimension||They Saved Hitler's Brain||This scene, by the way, constitutes one of the most ridiculous usages of the Cricket Rule I‚ve yet come across. This stipulates that the sound of crickets on the soundtrack always indicates that a scene is taking place at night, no matter what the lighting conditions. Here, as noted, it‚s broad daylight out. But, hey∑crickets!|
|Opposable Thumb Films||The Eye||Instead
of prodding the viewer to think, instead it provokes the viewer to guffaw
uncontrollably, and perhaps throw cheese sticks at the television (the
latter part being a personal preference).|
|Stomp Tokyo||The Storm Riders||The villain is Lord Conquer of the Conquer Clan who, unsurprisingly, wants to conquer things.|
|Teleport City||Fiend Without a Face||Hands work better than just about any appendage. They can throttle you. They can run around like spiders. They can hide. They can slap you around like a pimp. Most importantly, they can shoot you the bird at opportune moments to enhance comedic effect.|
|And You Call Yourself a Scientist!||Severed Ties||The psychotic Preach pulls a knife, and that’s when things get really interesting, as The Arm – normal arm to the elbow, then a long, snake-like (or lizard tail-like) segment - detaches itself from Harrison’s shoulder and kills Preach by tearing his face off.|
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